Salmonella men on Planet Porno: stories - By Yasutaka Tsutsui Page 0,80
please check it out. And I’ll contact the Shimizu Branch.”
Murai replied with exaggerated courtesy. “Yes, sir. I’ll be sure to check it out.” Of course he would do no such thing.
I replaced the receiver, and had just asked the village headman’s wife to connect me to the Shimizu Branch when my wife came home.
“Still on the phone? That’ll cost a packet.”
“Who cares? I’ll charge it to the company.” That gave me an idea. “How did you settle the bill with Daitsu? Payment on arrival?”
“Uh-uh. In advance.”
“You should have made it payment on arrival. I could have used that as a bargaining tool.”
“Don’t be childish. They don’t give two hoots about the payment, do they?!”
“Do you have to keep saying things like that?”
She seemed to have a spring in her step.
I was put through to the Shimizu Branch.
“Yes, hello, this is Mr Suda speaking from Pomegranate Island. Has a trunk arrived for me yet?”
The voice on the other end was gravelly, like a fisherman’s. “Hold on a sec. I’ll have a look.” Five minutes later, he returned to the telephone and continued in his gravelly voice: “No, nothing’s arrived.” At least the provincial employees were a little more polite.
“I had it sent from the City Branch, you see. They say it should be there by now.”
“Well, if it hasn’t arrived, it hasn’t arrived. We have to deliver everything as soon as it comes in, otherwise we’d be overrun with parcels. We deliver ’em as soon as they come in. So we aren’t going to keep anything back, are we.”
“No, I suppose not.”
The man with the gravelly voice hung up abruptly. There was little doubt that the trunk hadn’t arrived.
I was waiting to be connected to the City Branch for the third time, when my wife emerged from the back room in skimpy swimwear.
“Why are you dressed like that, at your age?” I asked. “Are you going swimming on your own?”
“Uh-uh. Those students who arrived today are camping down by the beach. They invited me over, so I said I’d go.”
“No way!” I shouted. “You’re not cavorting around half-naked with a group of young men when your husband’s facing a life-or-death crisis!”
“Oh dear. I do believe you’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous! It’s simply that distrust between partners or suspicions of infidelity are the very worst things for my condition. You’re not to go!”
“As I thought. You’re jealous,” she laughed. “You drag me to this hellish island, then have the nerve to tell me what to do and what not to do? Take a running jump!”
“If you must go, take the child.”
“Certainly not! He’d show me up,” she said on her way out.
My whole body was shaking with rage, when my call came through.
Murai came to the phone, so I let rip at him. “The Shimizu Branch say the trunk hasn’t arrived. Where the hell is it?!”
“Really. That is worrying,” he said in a wholly unworried voice. “Of course, it might be better if we knew whether it went by rail or road. If it went by rail, it would arrive at the Yabuki Branch. If by road, it would go to the Itagaki Branch. I know! Why don’t you try calling the arrivals desk at Itagaki? If they haven’t got it, it must have gone by rail, so it could be at Yabuki. Er, the phone number of the Itagaki Branch is—”
“Isn’t that your job?!” I roared. “Take some responsibility, for Christ’s sake!”
“No need to shout. Hahaha!”
“It’s not funny! If you don’t search for my trunk, I’ll ask the police to investigate it!”
“Really. But it’s bound to be somewhere on the way, isn’t it.”
“And I’m asking you to find out where!”
“Hello?” Suddenly, the coarse voice of the village headman’s wife interrupted our call. “I’m sorry, but are you going to be on the line much longer? I’ve quite a few other people wanting to make calls.”
“Shut up! I’m still talking!” I yelled.
“I wonder, could you please be brief?”
I could hear Murai laughing.
“Shut up! SHUT UP!” I screamed at the top of my voice. “I’m still talking, I said! I’m still talking! I’m still toh-toh-toh-toh—” I suddenly found it hard to breathe, and clutched my chest.
“Is something the matter?” the old woman asked nervously. “Hello? Is something the matter?”
I replaced the receiver and hurriedly looked for my medicine bottle. I had stopped breathing altogether. My eyes were bulging, my body was twisted and bent backwards. I opened the medicine bottle with shaking hands and swallowed down the last three tablets without water.