Salmonella men on Planet Porno: stories - By Yasutaka Tsutsui Page 0,38
those orders, wouldn’t it.”
“Well, yes, I suppose that would be easier. For you.” A familiar look came over my wife’s face. I braced myself for the usual onslaught. “Thankfully, things are cheap here, so we can just get by on your salary, plus the overseas allowance.”
By “things are cheap,” what she really meant was that there weren’t any luxury goods for her to buy.
The customary moans were now imminent – when could we go home, when could we have children without worrying, and so on. I quickly left the table.
“Right. I’m off to work.”
“Work” is actually a five-minute walk away. From our one-room rented apartment, along the main road, to the office building that houses the Galibian Branch of Sanko Industries. I’m the Branch Manager. My staff consists of a single secretary, a local man called Purasarto.
As I walked in, Purasarto came up to me with a memo. “I’ve just had a call from the Army Ministry,” he said. “It’s about the five hundred rifles we delivered recently. They say they don’t work properly.”
I stopped dead in front of my desk. “What, all five hundred?”
“It seems so. But they only realized they were faulty when they tried to use them at Gayan. As a result, we’re losing the war.”
“Oh my God.” I slumped down at the desk and put my head in my hands. “So the General must be pretty mad, then?”
“Hopping! He wants to see you right away.”
I got up with a groan from the chair I’d just occupied. “There’s nothing for it. I’ll go now.”
“I want to quit. They’ve been advertising for day soldiers in the newspaper, and I’d like to apply.”
“Well, I can understand that. You’ve got your own home, and three children to feed. I’m sure you could do with the money. But you can’t leave just like that. I’m sorry. What, I suppose it’s the idea of commuting that attracts you, is it?”
“Yes. And the pay would be much higher than what I’m getting here.”
“But if you go to war, you might die. Have you thought of that?”
“I have,” Purasarto answered with a smile. “But we all have to die some time.”
The Galibians’ lack of concern for human life was rather worrying.
“You can’t quit now. Wait till I find a replacement.”
If most Galibian men were signing up as day soldiers, only the women would be left. So maybe I could hire a beautiful young female secretary next, I thought as I left the office.
I hopped into one of those tricycle-taxis, like the ones found all over Southeast Asia. Just three blocks along the main road stood the Galibian Army Ministry. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I showed my pass at Reception and went through to the General’s office. He was bellowing into the telephone, his face resembling some kind of mad fiend. When he saw me, he replaced the receiver neatly and stood up, ready to sink his teeth in.
“Thanks to your rifles, three battalions have been wiped out! What are you going to do about it?! Give us our money back!”
“Calm down, please!” I called out in desperation. “I’m sure those rifles were checked most rigorously before being shipped out. What exactly is wrong with them?”
“What isn’t wrong with them?!” the General yelled, spitting everywhere. “We’ve only had them three days, and now they jam after the first shot. So they can’t be fired consecutively. You know what that means? We use them when charging the enemy. So we fire the first shot, then rush at them. But the second shot won’t fire. It’s a bloody massacre! How do you intend to account for this? If I don’t get good service from you, I’m going to complain to your government. We might even declare war!”
“Please don’t joke. If you do that, my company will go bankrupt and I’ll be out on the street,” I shrieked. “Anyway, could you show me one of these faulty rifles?”
“Here’s one. It’s just come back from Gayan.” The General plucked a rifle from his desk and angrily tossed it towards me.
I dismantled the rifle and carefully examined the faulty part. “Ah. Well, this will be easy to repair,” I said with some relief. “The screw in the trigger spring axle has come loose. That means that, even though gas is released when the first shot is fired, the bolt doesn’t return automatically. All we have to do is tighten the screw.”
“So that screw was loose on all five hundred rifles?” the General