Salmonella men on Planet Porno: stories - By Yasutaka Tsutsui Page 0,14
he shook his head with a look of pity. “So those are the things you regard as big news, are they?”
“Aren’t they?” I replied in some confusion.
He waved his hand with an air of irritation. “No, no, no, no, no. Of course, they could be made into big news. That’s why they’re duly reported. But at the same time, we report on the life of an ordinary office worker. Anything can become big news if the media report it,” he said, nodding. “News value only arises after something’s been reported. But you, by coming here today, have completely destroyed your own news value.”
“That doesn’t bother me.”
“I see.” He slapped his thigh. “Actually, it doesn’t bother us either.”
I hurried back to the office. From my desk, I immediately phoned through to Admin.
“Akiko,” I said loudly. “Will you go to a hotel with me tonight?”
I could hear Akiko catching her breath at the other end of the line.
For a moment, the whole room fell silent. My colleagues and the Chief Clerk gawped at me in amazement.
Eventually she replied. “Yes. Of course,” she sobbed.
And so that night, Akiko and I stayed in a hotel. It was the shabbiest, seediest hotel in a street full of tasteless neon signs.
As I’d expected, there was no mention of it in the newspapers. Nor was it reported on the TV news. From that day on, news about me vanished from the media. In my place came a middle-aged office worker, the type that can be found just about everywhere. Thin, short, two children, lives on a suburban estate, a clerk in a shipbuilding company.
I’d once again become a nobody – this time for real.
Some time later, I asked Akiko out again as a test. Would she like to have coffee with me after work? Of course, she refused. But I was satisfied – now I knew what sort of person she was.
A month later, nobody could remember my face. But even then, people would occasionally stop and give me curious looks when they saw me. On my way home one day, two girls were sitting opposite me on the train. One of them gave me that look and started whispering to the other.
“Hey! Haven’t I seen him somewhere before?” she said, nudging her friend with her elbow. “What was it he did?”
The other girl looked at me with a bored expression. After a moment, she answered in a tone of utter boredom: “Oh, him. Yeah. He was just a nobody.”
Don’t Laugh
I had a call from Saita, a bachelor friend of mine, an electric-appliances repair specialist with four technical patents to his name.
“Would you mind coming over?” he said in a tremulous little voice like a mosquito’s hum.
“Why? Is something wrong? Has something happened?” I asked.
“Well… You know,” he mumbled, then said nothing for a moment. He seemed to be looking for the right words. “Well, I’ll tell you when you get here.”
It was a diffident voice. Usually, he’d be loudly and forcefully debating with me on subjects like topology, relativity or parallel universes – so much so that I could hardly get a word in edgeways.
“You in a hurry then?”
“Yes. Well, no. It’s not particularly urgent. But if you’re free… Well, you know. It would help if you came over right away.”
His voice sounded even more hesitant now, almost apologetic. But his odd tone had the opposite effect on me – it made me think something really serious must have happened. So I agreed to go over right away.
His shop was on the main street. As I walked in, he greeted me with an “Oh, hi,” gazed at me with an expression of utter gratitude, and led me to a small reception area at the back of the shop. There, Saita and I sat facing each other across a table.
“What’s up, then? What’s happened?” I asked with deliberate nonchalance, taking out a cigarette. He was clearly finding it hard to come to the point.
“Well,” he replied, then hesitated again. For a while, he rubbed his palms together, drew circles on the table with his fingertips and stared into space. “Well, it’s not such a big deal, really…”
“But you said I should come right away!”
“Yes, that’s right.” He was cringing with embarrassment, squirming in his seat. Then he glanced up at me with a coy look. “Well, actually,” he said, and started to giggle.
It couldn’t be anything serious if he could laugh about it. But why on earth was he so embarrassed? I’d never seen him like this