Salmonella men on Planet Porno: stories - By Yasutaka Tsutsui
Praise for Yasutaka Tsutsui’s
Salmonella Men on Planet Porno
“The collection unabashedly romps in the sexual facets of modern humanity and culture. But Tsutsui’s work does so much more, sometimes brilliantly, often hilariously, always fantastically, never bound by reality or convention.”
—The Miami Herald
“Tsutsui’s fabulously morbid sense of humor, his obsessiveness and his wit make this collection sufficiently entertaining and disturbing to warrant our attention, especially today when the world as we know it has indeed tilted into the fantastical.”
—San Francisco Chronicle
“For once, a book that merits its wacky title, this collection…playfully skips across the conventions of both sci-fi and slapstick…. [In it,] the sense of a world bordering on paranoid hysteria is as strong as ever.”
—BBC
“Insightful and funny…. [Tsutsui’s] dark satire should find a loyal audience in the states.”
—Rocky Mountain News
“Memorable…. Quirky and entertaining…. Tsutsui shrewdly reveals the hairline stresses, lusts, and insanities that no society can ever completely wall in.”
—The Harvard Crimson
“Tsutsui is a shrewd satirist…. Potent are those stories where the author eschews genre pyrotechnics and reveals the strangeness and horror of the ordinary.”
—Review of Contemporary Fiction
“Off-kilter and marvelously entertaining. In Tsutsui’s world, the fantastic and the mundane collide, throwing the lives of ordinary men and women into disarray…. Just what the doctor ordered.”
—Tucson Citizen
“This collection is not for the faint of heart; you must be open to receive its infinite joys.”
—The Honolulu Advertiser
“[These] stories show [Tsutsui’s] trademark fear less ness in the face of taboos; war, sex, the media, and the sheep-like mentality of groups are all fair game.”
—Theme Magazine
“Imagine a cross between the music group the B-52s, Thomas Pynchon’s V., Ryu Murakami’s Coin Locker Babies, and James Turner’s graphic novel Nil: A Land Beyond Belief, throw in a good dose of science-fiction tropes and bitter social satire, and you’ll start to get a good idea of what’s in store for you in this collection of thirteen imaginative stories from one of Japan’s best-known science-fiction writers.”
—School Library Journal
“With a sharp eye toward the insanities of contemporary life, Tsutsui crafts an irresistible mix of imagination, satiric fantasy, and truly madcap hilarity.”
—Bookmarks Magazine
“Imaginative, farcical stories that sometimes amuse and sometimes perplex…. [They] focus on the comic follies and irrational whims of the human race.”
—ArmchairInterviews.com
“Weird, wonderful and wild…. Sparkles with biting pieces of social and political satire that reveal a formidable talent…. Tsutsui’s voice is witty and quirky, seducing us to suspend our disbelief for even the most fanciful narrative.”
—BookPage
YASUTAKA TSUTSUI
Salmonella Men on Planet Porno
One of modern Japan’s most renowned writers, Yasutaka Tsutsui has won the Tanizaki Prize, the Kawabata Prize, and several other awards. He was decorated as a Chevalier des Arts et des Lettres by the French government. He lives in Japan.
CONTENTS
The Dabba Dabba Tree
Rumours About Me
Don’t Laugh
Farmer Airlines
Bear’s Wood Main Line
The Very Edge of Happiness
Commuter Army
Hello, Hello, Hello!
The World Is Tilting
Bravo Herr Mozart!
The Last Smoker
Bad for the Heart
Salmonella Men on Planet Porno
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The author would like to thank the following persons for appearing in the title story or allowing their works to be cited in it: Toshitaka Hidaka (zoologist), Akira Miyawaki (botanist), Yasushi Kurihara (ecologist), Kazuki Miyashita (ecologist), Makoto Numata (biologist), Kenzaburo Oe (novelist), Fujio Ishihara (SF writer), Yo Sano (mystery writer), Konrad Lorenz (animal behaviourist) and Edmond Hamilton (SF writer).
The Dabba Dabba Tree
My father came up from the country carrying a curiously shaped bonsai tree.
“This here’s a Dabba Dabba Tree,” he announced, showing it to me and my wife. “It’s a special kind of cedar, see.”
“My, what an odd-looking thing,” said my wife, examining it with a look of puzzlement.
The tree was about eight inches tall. It was thicker at the base but tapered off towards the top, where the foliage was more sparse. Standing upright, the trunk formed a perfect cone.
“Yes, and what an odd name,” I added, watching my father’s expression. Perhaps it would shed some light on his reason for bringing the tree.
“Well, it’s not just the name that’s odd,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “If you put this Dabba Dabba Tree in your bedroom at night, you’ll have fruity dreams till morning comes!”
“Gosh! I wonder what he means,” said my wife.
I whispered in her ear. “Erotic dreams, of course.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, blushing.
My father gave her a lewd look and continued. “You’ve been married five years but still ain’t had kids. That’s why I brought you the tree. Put it in your bedroom tonight – you’re sure to have some cracking dreams. Go on, have it! It’s no good for an old codger like me! Kekekekekeh!” he chuckled like some weird bird, before setting off back to