time. Taken without discrimination. Taken without reason. The lyrics worked like strikes of blades, the razor-sharp touch of memory and guilt and all the things Reese hoped she’d find in this place.
Gaga went on, her voice like a powerful curse, racking up emotion, stirring it somewhere deep in Reese’s belly. Where had Rhiannon gone? Was she lost? Would she ever be found? How could she leave like that? How could you expect Reese to keep such a big secret? Did she know what that secret would cost them all?
Feet pounding harder, surer now, the minutes dragging by, Reese moved her arms, her calves burning, her quads licked with fire as she moved.
Rhiannon’s face came at her like a wave. The tear-streaked worry across her pale cheeks. The fear and humiliation she felt visible as she held the pregnancy test between her fingers.
“What do I do?” she asked, shaking so hard the test fell to the cold tile on the bathroom floor. Reese and Rhiannon could only stare down at it, holding each other’s arms as they watched as though the small pink and white plastic would reach out and attack. “Reesie? What the hell am I gonna do?”
Next to her, Reese felt the tremble in her best friend’s arms, and the grip around her bicep grew harder. Rhiannon loved life. She was a puppies and kittens, hearts and unicorns sort of girl. Too precious, too good for this world. Reese would never want her scared of anything. Least of all a baby.
“Well,” she said, “if you want, you’ll have a baby. If you don’t…”
“I do,” she interrupted, standing straight when a door sounded downstairs. A light went on inside her then. It had always been there, but now it was brighter. Now it made her sure— determined—and the worry and fear that had kept her shaking seconds before shifted into a resolve Reese knew wasn’t forced.
Mrs. Glenn called Rhiannon’s name, and the girl moved, nodding to herself over something she didn’t explain. “It’s fine.” Another nod, this one followed by a deep inhale. “It’ll all work out.” She picked up the test, shoving it into the front pocket of her jeans. “Listen, you won’t say anything? To Ryder. I mean, please?” She gripped Reese again, directing her to look down at her. “Let me rephrase that.” Rhiannon turned Reese’s face, holding her still between her small fingers. “Promise me you won’t tell a soul. Not Ryder. Not your mom. Not anyone at all.” When Reese nodded, offering her best friend a smile, Rhiannon clarified. “Sister secrets, remember?”
“Of course. I won’t tell anyone.”
She hadn’t. Not a soul.
That was the problem.
Reese pounded a finger against the controls on the treadmill, gasping now as the belt moved faster. Her heart beat in double time, her lungs burning, stomach muscles shredded as she moved, too fast now to even grab her bottle of water in the cup holder.
The waves came at her again, crashing, crowding, as Reese remembered what Rhiannon had looked like in that casket. Her secret was out by then. The world knew. They all had known it was the secret that killed her.
“God,” Reese grunted, her entire body shaking, her balance slipping, breath in a disorganized wheeze. The memories were a torrent of guilt and emotion she couldn’t contain, and before she passed out, before she lost her balance and did real harm, Reese screamed, the physical pressure on her body almost as much as the pain crowding her heart, seeping up her throat, burning, searing until it mixed with the sweat that coated her body, dripping from her as she hopped onto the sides of the treadmill and hit the stop button.
Reese gasped again, clear breath becoming something just out of her reach as she jumped from the machine and fell to the floor, sliding against the mirrored wall as the tears and grief finally overflowed inside her.
“God! Oh, God!” she yelled, face against her knees, arms curled around the back of her head as she cried.
It was too much, this loss, the reminder of it coming back to her the second she saw Ryder on the sidelines during her first practice. He’d avoided her all this time. They ran in the same circles. They had the same management team, and when she’d walked into the Steamers tryout, Ryder had watched her working out with the other kickers. He gave Ricks his opinions. She’d seen both men watching her, gawking like the rest of the crowd, but keeping their thoughts