Sahm I Am - By Meredith Efken Page 0,4

boxer pj’s. “Seamus,” he says, “did you force your brother to eat a worm?”

Seamus has the nerve to squeak out that he did not FORCE Griffith to eat the worm, he merely SUGGESTED that it might be the only way to save Big Bird. So Tristan says, “Son, you will go TO your room, and I will dee-al with you in a moment.” I tell you, even I shivered at that. No one is as good at sounding ominous and foreboding as my husband!

Daddy’s little girl, Cosette, knows no fear. She marches over to him, looks up with those huge brown eyes and says, “Daddy, be careful with Seamus. He’s still in his formative years.”

Tristan remains granite-faced. He taps Cosette’s nose and says, “Yes, little one, and so he shall be formed, while there’s still time for it.” I just LOVE how he talks!

The short of it is that Seamus will not be able to go with us to the children’s museum tomorrow, but instead has to stay with Molly—a friend of mine who has a five-year-old girl, Allison, who loves to play “getting married” and makes Seamus be the groom every time we visit. A worse punishment couldn’t be found!

So, to quote the Bard, “All’s well that ends well” and “Come, come, you froward and unable worms!”

Z

* * *

From:

Connie Lawson

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

[SAHM I AM] Topic of the Week/Reminder

* * *

Hi Girls,

Loop Mom Connie here. I just wanted to send a friendly reminder to put OT for “Off Topic” in the subject heading of e-mails not pertaining to the weekly topic. We have over three hundred moms on this loop, and including OT in the subject helps us sort through the e-mails we aren’t interested in. Not that I’m not interested in all the little details of your lives, like worms and soccer games, but we really need to focus.

TTFN,

Connie Lawson

SAHM I AM Loop Mom

* * *

From:

Zelia Muzuwa

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

[SAHM I AM] OT: Off Topic

* * *

I really don’t think anything related to children could reasonably be considered off topic in a discussion group for stay-at-home moms.

Z

* * *

From:

The Millards

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

Re: [SAHM I AM] OT: Off Topic

* * *

Zelia Muzuwa wrote:

I agree.

Jocelyn

* * *

From:

Rosalyn Ebberly

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

Re: [SAHM I AM] OT: Off Topic

* * *

I’m quoting from the SAHM I AM welcome message:

Please do not send one-liner messages such as “I agree” or “Me, too” to the entire loop. Send it to the individual to whom it is directed.

Thanks!

Rosalyn

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)

* * *

From:

Zelia Muzuwa

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

Re: [SAHM I AM] OT: Off Topic

* * *

Sorry.

Z

* * *

From:

The Millards

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

Re: [SAHM I AM] OT: Off Topic

* * *

Me, too! :)

Jocelyn

* * *

From:

Connie Lawson

To:

The Millards Zeila Muzuwa

Subject:

QUIT IT, YOU TWO!

* * *

I mean it!

Connie

* * *

From:

Zelia Muzuwa

To:

Connie Lawson

CC:

The Millards

Subject:

Wanted: Sense of Humor for Loop Mom

* * *

Come on, Connie, we were just giving Rosalyn a hard time. It’s late, the kids are in bed, and Ducie never showed up for our Monday online chat. What do you expect us to do for entertainment?

Z

* * *

From:

Dulcie Huckleberry

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

[SAHM I AM] Yesterday was…

* * *

…the worst day of my entire life! I may sound like a melodramatic teenager, but I’m not exaggerating. I came home from a church meeting last night and curled up on my bed in a fetal position. FETAL, mind you—not in the position of actually carrying a fetus, as some older women have asserted upon seeing my jogging-pants and T-shirt swathed body. No, fetal—as in lying on one’s side and tucking head and knees in toward body so as to create the sensation of prenatal security and comfort. A form commonly assumed when one begins one’s day cleaning up smelly diaper artwork off bedroom walls and ends it by being publicly humiliated in front of one’s church peers, with a trip to the gynecologist in between.

Oh, and so far today isn’t much better. Went to the grocery store and the cashier tried to talk to me in SPANISH! I get so tired of that. Just because one is adopted from Guatemala as a 3-year-old does not mean one is fluent in Spanish. Will people never stop judging me by my appearance? ARGH!

Adios,