Sahm I Am - By Meredith Efken Page 0,13

please. The only things more nauseating than your e-mail, Dulcie, are Rosalyn’s weekly topics. But I still love you. :)

Z

* * *

From:

Dulcie Huckleberry

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

All-you-can-eat clothes PART TWO

* * *

Thought all you lovely ladies would like to know how this came out…

My pastor’s wife approaches me in church this morning. “Dulcie,” she croons, “it occurred to me the other day that I may have accidentally hurt your feelings at the meeting with my little comment about your clothes.”

YA THINK? (But I don’t say it…honest.) I just shrug and try to look a little confused—which really isn’t all that difficult for me these days. “Oh, well…I knew what you meant.”

She gives me a gushing hug. “I’m SOOOO sorry, dear!” Then she pulls back and looks at me (I was wearing brown knit pants and a khaki tunic top). “You look great, REALLY!” Sure. That’s why she thought I was pregnant. Must have been my glowing countenance that fooled her.

“Well, thank you,” I tell her.

She takes one more hard look at my outfit and smiles sweetly. “You must just like to wear BIG clothes, that’s all!” Then one parting hug, and off she goes, radiating joy, peace and love to all. (Seriously, guys, despite the bad foot-in-mouth disorder, she’s a really sweet person.)

Sometimes, you just gotta wear your “all-you-can-laugh” outfit—because it’s the only one that nothing will stick to. :)

Cheers,

Dulcie

* * *

From:

Zelia Muzuwa

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

Re: [SAHM I Am] All-you-can-eat clothes PART TWO

* * *

Dulcie, I admire your forgiving spirit, and your ability to see the good in her despite her faults. However, the next time she’s about to nibble her toes, you need to hold up your church bulletin and use the following quote from you-know-who: “Shut your mouth, dame, or with this paper shall I stop it.”

Z

* * *

From:

Rosalyn Ebberly

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

Re: [SAHM I Am] All-you-can-eat clothes PART TWO

* * *

<“Shut your mouth, dame, or with this paper shall I stop it.”>

I should hope no one would EVER say something like that to a PASTOR’S WIFE! Being married to a pastor is in itself a high calling, and these women deserve to be shown the respect and honor due to them for their love and support for the men appointed by God to be our spiritual leaders. Maybe this woman is gently trying to guide Dulcie into making better health and fashion choices. Remember, my friends, the meek shall inherit the earth.

Yours,

Rosalyn

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)

* * *

From:

P. Lorimer

To:

SAHM I Am

Subject:

[SAHM I AM] Pastors' Wives

* * *

Rosalyn, With all due respect to your position as Loop moderator, I would like to express my strong disagreement to your thoughts. I AM a pastor’s wife, and, if I had a habit of humiliating my fellow sisters in Christ without realizing it, I would definitely want someone to tell me to “Shut your mouth, dame.” (Great Shakespeare quote, Zelia. Let’s talk Bard later, okay? My master’s degree is in early modern English literature. I bet I can match you quote for quote.)

I don’t believe that my calling is any higher than anyone else’s. I didn’t hear a voice in thunder tell me to “Go marry Jonathan Lorimer, for he is going to be a pastor.” I went on a blind date with the guy, thought he was extremely attractive, and fell madly in love with him before I even knew what his career goals were.

Furthermore, we aren’t even remotely close to being saintly. When we met, both of us were very lonely, and neither of us had much dating experience. We felt an instant rapport intellectually and emotionally, and it didn’t take long for us to connect physically, too—only two months. Our daughter, Julia, was five months old at our wedding.

We repented and kept our relationship pure from that time on, but Jonathan struggled with whether or not to still become a pastor. His own pastor was the one who showed him that sin is sin, and people are people—none are better or worse than any others.

So please don’t put us up on pedestals. There are none righteous, no, not one. Only Christ.

Your friend,

Phyllis Lorimer

* * *

From:

Rosalyn Ebberly

Subject:

Re: [SAHM I AM] Pastors' Wives

* * *

Dear, sweet Phyllis, and friends,

I think perhaps my e-mail may have been misunderstood. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to think