hair. She shivered at the feel of the slight stubble on his cheeks. When he ran a finger over the skin of her arm, she felt a flood of liquid heat course through her body.
“I want to be with you but I can’t,” she finally whispered, hoping that he wouldn’t be angry.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “There’s no way tonight could have been any more wonderful than it’s already been.”
“But you’re disappointed.”
He brushed a strand of hair from her face. “It’s not possible for you to disappoint me,” he said.
She swallowed, trying to rid herself of her fears.
“There’s something you should know about me,” she whispered.
“Whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it.”
She leaned into him again.
“I can’t be with you tonight,” she whispered, “for the same reason I could never marry you.” She sighed. “I have a husband.”
“I know,” he whispered.
“It doesn’t matter to you?”
“It’s not perfect, but trust me, I’m not perfect, either, so maybe it’s best if we take all of this one day at a time. And when you’re ready, if you’re ever ready, I’ll be waiting.” He brushed her cheek with his finger. “I love you, Katie. You might not be ready to say those words now, and maybe you’ll never be able to say them, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“Alex…”
“You don’t have to say it,” he said.
“Can I explain?” she asked, finally pulling back.
He didn’t bother to hide his curiosity.
“I want to tell you something,” she said. “I want to tell you about me.”
17
Three days before Katie left New England, a brisk early January wind made the snowflakes freeze, and she had to lower her head as she walked toward the salon. Her long blond hair blew in the wind and she could feel the pinpricks of ice as they tapped against her cheeks. She wore high-heeled pumps, not boots, and her feet were already freezing. Behind her, Kevin sat in the car watching her. Though she didn’t turn, she could hear the car idling and could imagine the mouth that was set into a hard, straight line.
The crowds that had filled the strip mall during Christmas were gone. On either side of the salon was a Radio Shack and a pet store, both of them empty; no one wanted to be out on a day like today. When Katie pulled the door, it flew open in the wind and she struggled to close it. Chilled air followed her into the salon and the shoulders of her jacket were coated with a fine layer of white. She slipped off her gloves and jacket, turning around as she did so. She waved good-bye to Kevin and smiled. He liked it when she smiled at him.
Her appointment was at two with a woman named Rachel. Most of the stations were already filled and Katie was unsure where to go. It was her first time here and she was uncomfortable. None of the stylists looked older than thirty and most had wild hair with red and blue tints. A moment later, she was approached by a girl in her mid-twenties, tanned and pierced with a tattoo on her neck.
“Are you my two o’clock? Color and trim?” she asked.
Katie nodded.
“I’m Rachel. Follow me.”
Rachel glanced over her shoulder. “It’s cold out there, huh?” Rachel said. “I almost died on my way to the door. They make us park on the far side of the lot. I hate that, but what can I do, right?”
“It is cold,” Katie agreed.
Rachel led her to a station near the corner. The chair was purple vinyl and the floor was black tile. A place for younger people, Katie thought. Singles who wanted to stand out. Not married women with blond hair. Katie fidgeted as Rachel put a smock over her. She wiggled her toes, trying to warm her feet.
“Are you new in the area?” Rachel asked.
“I live in Dorchester,” she said.
“That’s kind of out of the way. Did someone give you a referral?”
Katie had passed by the salon two weeks earlier, when Kevin had taken her shopping, but she didn’t say that. Instead, she simply shook her head.
“I guess I’m lucky I answered the phone then.” Rachel smiled. “What sort of color do you want?”
Katie hated to stare at herself in the mirror but she didn’t have a choice. She had to get this right. She had to. Tucked into the mirror in front of her was a photograph of Rachel with someone Katie assumed to be her boyfriend. He