Sadie's Little Christmas - Maren Smith Page 0,43
to laugh. For the first time since all this had started, she felt more like her real self again. And when did it happen of all times? With Nanny J shoving up her sleeves, her own smile warring with her affront, as she took an ominous step toward her. She stopped only because that was when she heard the sudden clatter of horse hooves clambering across the wood of the Ranch’s front porch.
“Ho ho ho!”
Sadie froze along with every other Little in the hall. She barely felt Nanny J’s resounding swat as she stared at the front door. She knew that voice, but she knew it with a weirdly dual familiarity.
Derek, the commonsense side of her instantly recognized.
Santa Claus, the rest of her cried, a zing of excitement, unlike anything she’d felt since she was a child, bursting up through her on a wave so powerful and unexpected, she almost couldn’t contain it.
The front door flew open, and he came riding right inside on a huge brown horse wearing an antler hat on its head. Moses took the reins, leading the horse back outside the instant Derek, in his bold red Santa’s outfit, a huge sack slung over his shoulder, dismounted.
“Santa Claus,” a Little boy breathed in a small, high voice.
As if the very words suddenly breathed life back into the room, the other Littles snapped into motion.
“Santa!” someone else squealed, and they all dropped what they were doing to run to him.
All except Sadie. Her feet rooted her to the floor. She couldn’t approach, no matter how much she wanted to, and she really did want to. All she could do was watch as the other Littles swarmed him, hopping and squealing, chattering at him in high-pitched excited voices.
Derek played to them just like a good Santa Claus. He boomed out that signature ho-ho-ho belly laugh, boosting their happiness with pats on the head and chucks under the chin. It was a sad state of things that her initial excitement should now be withering inside her, replacing itself with kernel after tiny kernel of sadness with every smile that he bestowed on another Little.
She wasn’t a jealous person, but watching him interact with the others was… well, painful. Because she wasn’t like them. She liked her adulthood. She liked her independence and the excitement of getting to do whatever she wanted. And yes, she did like coloring and popcorn, movie time and bath time, and cuddles on Daddy’s lap far more than she ever wanted to admit to out loud, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be like them.
No matter how much she might have privately enjoyed some of what they’d made her do in their stupid nursery, she had fought for all the eighteen years of her life to reach this grand age of adulthood, and she wasn’t giving it up for anything. In three more years, she’d reach her next great landmark, twenty-one, the legal drinking age—look out, bar-scene! She was coming to conquer! Who could ever want to be five again? Not her, that was for sure!
She blinked back the sting of fast-rising tears as she watched Santa Derek make his way to that big red-velvet throne of a chair, just now being brought into the lobby by two burly men.
This place was full of burly men, almost every one a safe, stern, approachable Daddy Dom. It was full of laughing, happy, shrieking Littles, too, and it was Christmas. Everyone was having a really good time.
Except her.
“Do you want to go say hi to Santa?” Nanny J coaxed so softly, Sadie had all but forgotten the other woman was behind her.
She quickly shook her head, but yes, she wanted very much to go to him. Not as Santa, though. She wanted to go to him as Daddy, and in the privacy of his home, crawl into his lap. She wanted to put her arms around his shoulders, lay her head on his chest, and let Daddy soothe away the nettling insecurities whispering in the back of her head that she didn’t belong here, she didn’t fit in, would never fit in.
Daddy? Why did she now want to think of him like that? She didn’t need a Daddy!
Her stomach clenched, her chest rising and falling, her breaths growing quick and shallow as Santa Derek took his place on that red-velvet throne, and the first Little crawled shyly up to sit on his knee.
His eyes found hers from across the room as he adjusted that other girl