Ryan's Love - C.A. Harms Page 0,10

ever known. The problem is when I consider dating another woman, I feel like I’m cheating on her. I vowed to love her always.” My voiced cracked, and I took in a deep breath.

“Moving on, dating, and finding someone to spend time with doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving Claire. Hell, we all loved that girl. She was my family too. You will always love her. We all know that. But you know as well as I do that she would be pissed to know you’re giving up all chances of happiness.”

He was right; she would be. When Claire and I had talked about those uncomfortable what ifs, she would ask me if I would fall in love again if something were to happen to her. I would always brush off the question, because damn it, that was the last thing I wanted to imagine. Claire always told me she would want me to find happiness. Even now, her words were still clear as a bright day.

“Ryan, you deserve to be loved. I would want you to find someone. The only thing I ask is that you never forgot our time together. Never let go of the memories we created together as a family.”

Yeah, as if that were even a possibility.

***

I woke to the sound of Olivia banging around in the kitchen. By the smells that filtered through the house, I could tell she was making pancakes, just like she did every Saturday morning.

I stretched out in bed and looked over to the nightstand, where my favorite picture of Claire still sat. She was holding Olivia in her lap, smiling down at her. Liv must have been around two or three years old. Claire had her hair tucked behind her ear, exposing her beautiful face, which showed nothing but love for our daughter.

Our time together was cut entirely too short. I had things I wanted to show her, places I wanted to take her. But I’d pushed those dreams aside, letting life in general consume our days, always thinking we had time. Now I only had a lot of regret for all the things I wished I’d done, things I wished I’d taken the time to say more often.

We all tend to do that, wish we had done things differently. We think back and know we should have taken the time to appreciate the small things and let go of those annoyances and grudges that truly didn’t matter.

“Dad?” Olivia’s voice and a light knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” I called out as I sat up in bed. “Come in.”

The door creeped open, and Olivia’s sweet smile appeared in the gap. “Pancakes are ready,” she said as her face lit up with excitement.

“Chocolate chip?” I asked.

“As if they would truly be pancakes without them. That’s the only kind I make, Dad! You know me better than that.”

“That’s my girl. Give me a few minutes.”

“Okay,” she said as she stepped away, closing the door behind her.

I turned back toward the picture of Claire and traced the edge with my finger. “I’ll live by your words,” I whispered. “I’ll try to move forward, but never will I forget my love for you. You’re always in my heart.” My vision wavered with unshed tears.

It was time to let go, I knew that. But nothing about this journey would be easy.

After sitting down with my daughter and eating a stack of some of the best damn pancakes I’d ever had, I went out to the garage.

I had a tire to plug.

***

I spent five minutes sitting in the cab of my truck, sorting through the feelings flowing through me. I had attempted to open my truck door three different times, only to stop dead with my hand on the handle.

The new bakery’s sign was just thirty feet away. It was strange to see Heavenly Temptations displayed above the door now, instead of the big yellow-and-brown sign proclaiming Helen’s Bakery. I took in a deep breath, shoved open the door of my Ford, and crawled out of the cab before I could talk myself out of it. I walked to the bed, reached over the side, and pulled out the tire I had spent most of my morning doctoring up.

As I walked toward the front entrance, my throat felt like sandpaper when I swallowed, my heart raced, and my damn legs felt like jelly. The sweat beading on my forehead had nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with the