have driven past my house countless times, thinking: that’s where I should be, with him, where we could be together. Perhaps she should have it now? Suddenly Dad’s life, held together with bits of binder twine, appealed. I wondered if he’d got a spare shed. And Clemmie and Archie could go to the local school, not the expensive village Montessori.
‘Well, we’ll see,’ I said wearily. ‘Sam said let’s wait and see. See if they follow it up. He said they may just be full of hot air.’
‘Sam’s the solicitor?’ asked Angie, and for some reason I bent my head to pull up my sock under my jeans.
‘Yup.’
‘Well, I hope he’s good. Who’s he with?’
‘A small firm in town. Private practice. But he was with a big outfit in London,’ I added, knowing Angie would be impressed by that.
‘Oh, OK. Well, listen, Poppy, April McLean at Freshfields may be expensive but she goes for the jugular. Let me know if you want to meet her. I came out of her office thinking I could rule the world.’
‘No, no, I’m very happy.’ I tried to imagine Sam going for the jugular. It was in the neck, wasn’t it? Baring his fangs across the Old Bailey at Marjorie. I wondered where he went after work. Where he lived now he was divorced. A rented flat in town? Or did he stay with friends, all guys together, meeting them for a pint after work? I couldn’t imagine that, somehow.
‘Anyway, thanks, you two. Good to share and all that. I’ve got to go and get Clemmie. She finishes at lunchtime today.’
When they’d murmured their goodbyes, with staunch messages of support, and kissed me, Angie nearly breaking my cheekbones, I took my leave. Went slowly up the hill. Archie, who’d just learned the words to Postman Pat, was kicking his legs in his buggy, singing his little heart out, but mine was heavy. How much was Angie asking for, I wondered. Half of Tom’s wealth? More? The house? Well, why not? She’d brought the children up there; it was their home. It just didn’t feel quite right. And not because Angie had never worked – oh, she pulled her weight in the community, sat on committees, chaired the council. It wasn’t that. It was just … I wasn’t sure I wanted to join that band of women who took their husbands for all they could. Because they’d been betrayed.
I’d overheard her talking to Tom the other day on her mobile in the street. I’d come up behind her, been about to greet her, when I realized she was on the phone: ‘Yes, Clarissa did meet some boy in London and she probably met him on an Internet site, probably didn’t even know him, but what d’you expect with the example you set? I’m surprised she’s not pregnant!’ There’d been a silence, then: ‘Oh, piss off, Tom!’
As she realized I was there, she’d turned, a look of pure hatred disfiguring her face. ‘Wretched man,’ she said, pocketing her phone. ‘Getting all parental at this late stage. It was only Hugo, incidentally,’ she muttered, ‘who Clarissa met.’
Hugo was Angus and Sylvia’s grandson. He was a lovely boy, who’d just left school and worked occasionally in the pub. I wondered why Angie hadn’t told Tom. I didn’t want to be like that. Vengeful. Spiteful. Taking my ex to the cleaners. You’re not, I told myself, as Clemmie let loose her teacher’s hand at the gate and ran towards me. Because for one thing he’s not an ex, he’s a deceased; and you’re not taking him to the cleaners, you’re preventing his mistress taking you. Do get a grip.
I hugged my daughter hard as she embraced my knees. But on the way home, Clemmie chattering beside me, an egg-box alligator swinging from her hand, I decided that the moment Archie was in nursery, I’d get a job. Go back to work. OK, my PR agency in London were unlikely to take me after such an absence, however sorry they’d been to see me go, and particularly for only a few mornings a week, but might they give me some freelance work? They had rung once, offered, but Archie had been only a few weeks old, and Phil so busy, I’d turned it down. So stupid, I thought angrily. Everyone knew you had to keep your hand in. But maybe it wasn’t too late? And maybe I could bang on some doors locally as well? I wasn’t naive enough to think