Ruler (Wolves of Royal Paynes #2) - Kiki Burrelli Page 0,30
what was going on long before I'd needed to be spoon-fed the truth.
I pulled my hand free of Faust's grasp, unsure why, only that I'd reminded myself of the one person I couldn't trust. Me.
If I'd been such a gullible idiot once, who was to say I wouldn't be again? My instinct told me that Faust was different. He'd only been kind and patient. He didn't push me. But could I trust my instinct again after it had failed me so spectacularly?
Some people made a mistake that disrupted their day or their month, but my mistake rerouted my entire life. I would've finished my undergraduate classes by now, well on the road to my future. Now, I didn't think I wanted to be a veterinarian. I didn't know what I could be anymore. I certainly wasn't the one to ask.
"I've got more than enough right now to begin a treatment plan, Storri." Dr. Tiff's voice sounded like it came from far away.
Talking about my life, particularly the years before my imprisonment, had only highlighted how much this was all my fault. I wasn't smart enough not to be fooled, and I wasn't strong enough to find my own escape.
"I do have some homework for you, Storri, if you're open to it?" Dr. Tiff had a calming presence, like Hallie, but not as calming as Jazz.
Except not even Jazz could keep the waves of guilt and shame at bay. "Okay."
"Take care of yourself. Let the people around you take care of you when you need it. You've gone through something horrible. You survived it, though. Jazz said you wrote notes for years in hopes of being rescued. That takes resilience and dedication. Be honest with the guys there and open about your needs. I know this sounds easier said than done, but if we start now, we'll already be ahead. I'll take a look at my schedule and see when I can get down there. How about we plan another call in a few days when you've had time to settle and I've had time to go over the best treatments moving forward?"
The lie caught on my tongue the moment I remembered these people could tell if I was lying. I shook my head instead and offered a brief mhm that seemed to mollify her.
When Jazz closed the laptop, I felt unexpected relief. I liked as much of Dr. Tiff as I'd seen today, but the talk brought back memories with an intensity that nothing else had.
I looked around the room. Dog was at my feet, Faust at my side. None of them had changed. Just me.
"Do you want to go lay down for a bit?" Jazz asked quietly.
"No." Laying down would just give me more time to think, and I'd been laying down for five years.
Jazz's lips sunk down in the corners, but he suddenly brightened and sat straighter. "Want me to make you more animals? I've been working on getting a shark to swim through the air with a paper airplane."
Again, the lie that would've smoothed the situation over jammed against my teeth. If I kept lying to these people, they'd just throw me out faster. "I, um…I don't like the animals you make. They have no voice. No sound. They're like moving corpses."
Jazz shuddered, leaning in as he did to press his shoulder against mine. "That's a nix on the animals, then. Yikes. Tell a person earlier next time when they unknowingly create a horror movie." Jazz smiled tentatively.
"Storri, can I talk to you in the hallway?" Faust asked.
I glanced briefly his way, noting the concerned lines around his eyes. Faust hadn't done anything to make me not trust him, but Mr. Grouse hadn't either—until he had. How could I trust how I felt about Faust? I shook my head. "Maybe not right now."
Faust's didn't ask for clarification. He didn't look angry at my rejection either. That only made me feel worse. At least if he got frustrated with me, he'd give up trying to help me, and I wouldn't have to wait for my emotional paralysis to drive him and the others away. I was so messed up I couldn't tell the difference between someone trying to help me so they could hurt me or someone helping me because they were nice.
Thankfully, Huntley and Jagger burst into the operations room, gathering everyone's attention.
"Turn on the TV." Huntley pressed his lips into a hard line.