Rugged Guard - Jason Collins Page 0,24
wrap my head around the rules you drew up for yourself. I’m trying to figure out why someone who would never cross a line with a client would hold their hand or kiss them in the kitchen or run into a burning building just to drag them out—” I stopped myself mid-sentence, the rest of my words coming out soft and broken. “I’m just trying to understand you, Derek. I don’t… I don’t get it. Sometimes, it feels like you don’t even like me. And then, today…”
I threw my hands up in defeat before I folded my arms against my chest. “I give up.”
“Give up on what?”
“Trying to understand you,” I replied, choking out a laugh. “Trying to figure out why you do anything that you do. I give up on pretending like there’s some deep meaning to any of it.”
“Parker—”
“I’m serious, Derek. I’m done trying to figure you out.”
“It’s not…” Derek started before letting out a heavy sigh. “Parker, it’s just…”
Derek’s gaze then met my own as he looked me up and down, time and time again.
And then, he quickly closed the gap between us, his lips meeting mine with a warmth and passion that echoed right down my throat.
“Derek…” I stammered out his name as I gently broke off the kiss. “I don’t… what are you doing?”
“I like you, Parker,” Derek whispered. “And… the reason I ran into that burning building after you is because I know how genuinely good you are. And there was something about the world no longer having someone so good in it… if there was a chance that I could keep you here, I figured that I should take it.”
“Genuinely good…” I smiled at the compliment. “I feel like that’s high praise coming from you.”
“It is.” Derek smiled right back. “But you were right about me trying to stick to my own rulebook. I don’t cross the line with my clients. And even if we already crossed the line…” Derek sighed. “You have to know that anything that happens between us is only temporary.”
“So, what? You’re telling me you can only handle short-term flings?”
“It’s not about what I can handle,” Derek replied. “It’s about what makes sense.”
“Right. And it just so happens to be extremely convenient that what makes sense for you is hooking up with people and never looking back.”
“How would anything else even be possible, Parker?” Derek asked. “I’m never in the same city or country for too long. I go where I’m called. I go where I’m hired. And sometimes, I stay gone for months. Would anyone really be happy with a partner like that? Someone that unreliable?”
“How would you know? Have you ever even tried?”
“No,” Derek admitted. “Because I never wanted to put anyone through that bullshit. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time pretending like we’re building something together when we’re not. Because you can’t build something together when you’re not even on the same continent for more than a few weeks at a time.”
“Is this the same spiel you give everyone?” My tone was lined with suspicion. “Or is this just because I’m… have you ever even been with a guy before?”
“If you’re trying to accuse me of something, Parker, you should just come out and say it.”
“I just want to know if I’m an experiment or not,” I replied. “I don’t want to be an experiment, Derek. And if that’s the reason you’re already holding back, before we even begin—”
“You’re not an experiment, Parker.” Derek smiled as he spoke. “If anything, I’m the experiment.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“How long can someone as good as you stand to be around someone like me?” Derek smiled again. “How long until you realize you were out of your mind for ever sinking down to my level?”
“Derek.” I smiled up at him, shaking my head. “So, are those your final terms? We’re just supposed to see how long we can stand to be around each other until it’s time for you to leave? And then what? We never speak to each other again?”
“We can stay Facebook friends,” Derek joked, his hands going down to either side of my waist. “And I wouldn’t hate getting the occasional Christmas card or two.”
“I… don’t know if I can do it,” I whispered. “I mean, I’ve hooked up with guys before, but we at least pretended like it was going somewhere. You’re asking me to abandon all hope for anything more than just this.”
“I’m not asking you to abandon anything,” Derek clarified. “I’m asking