positive for Huntington’s disease. It’s the illness that killed our mother.
Ivy and I watched her degenerate slowly over the last twenty years of her life, her brain slowly falling apart from the mutated proteins the disease pumped into her grey matter. She died of pneumonia, which ravaged her weakened immune system, but not before her whole personality transformed into something negative, angry, and sometimes violent.
That’s the fate that is awaiting me, too—and no one knows, except me.
Ivy doesn’t know about the diagnosis, but she does know about my pregnancy. She thinks I’m just a regular old messed-up celebrity. She thinks life will continue as it has been, and we’ll all live happily ever after. She’s excited that her child will have a cousin to play with.
I’m trying to think like her. I go to therapy twice a week and I’m taking care of my body with yoga and weightlifting. I’m eating healthily and spending more time with Ivy. I don’t stare at my social media quite so much. I’m really, really trying. My therapist says I need to forgive myself for my mistakes, and I can’t cling onto the guilt that eats away at me.
My hand moves to my stomach, and I draw strength from the life that’s growing inside me.
A gremlin pokes his head out from the recesses of my mind, his giggles echoing off my skull.
Guilty, guilty, guilty. Your baby could get the disease, too. Did you think of that when you decided to get pregnant?
Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to talk myself down. The baby was an accident, but also a gift. I wouldn’t be as dedicated to my recovery if I didn’t have a child to take care of.
I will be a good mother, Huntington’s or not.
“You okay, Margot?” Prince Luca glances at me, and I realize I’m gripping the edge of the stainless steel counter with both hands. My knuckles are white.
I force myself to relax my shoulders, painting a smile on my face. “I’m fine. Just a little dizzy, is all. Might need a muffin to keep me going.”
“I never thought I’d see the day when you actually eat the things I bake,” Ivy laughs, grabbing a banana chocolate-chip muffin from a tray for me. “It makes me happy to see you eating my stuff.”
“You’re a rare talent,” I answer, taking a nibble of the muffin and groaning as the taste hits my tongue. “I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on all this goodness just in the name of being skinny.”
Ivy grins, then takes a deep breath. Her eyes shine as she stares at me. “Will you come open the doors with me? It’s time. I want you beside me.”
My heart thumps, and I nod. “I’d be honored.”
We open the doors to the bakery together, smiling for the cameras that are waiting to snap photos of us. I hook my arm around my sister’s shoulders, pointing to the sign above our heads.
Spoonful of Sugar is officially re-open for business.
This time, I’m happy about it.
The gremlins in my mind are blissfully quiet. The anxious thoughts that plague me all the time are absent, and I’m truly, completely happy for my sister.
Ivy opens the front door to our house, and I glance up from my seat on the couch. Melissa, my hair stylist, is working on my blonde hair extensions, moving the wefts up closer to my scalp. She’s been by my side for years, and is the closest thing I have to a friend.
“How was the rest of the grand re-opening?” I ask my sister.
Ivy smiles sweetly. “It was great. Lots of press. It meant a lot to me that you were there.”
“You’re such a star, Ivy,” Mel says, tugging a strand of my hair.
I wince.
“Sorry,” she says, patting the sore spot. She glances at my sister. “I tried one of your salted caramel brownies today. Oh. My. Lord. Ivy, you’re incredible.”
Ivy blushes, nodding. “Thank you.”
“Let me do your hair this weekend,” Mel says. “Take it as payment for all the baked goods you’ve fed me over the years.”
“This?” Ivy says, flicking her black hair over her shoulder. “I don’t know what you could do with this.”
“Don’t underestimate her,” I grin, glancing at my hair stylist. “If she can make me into a long-haired blonde, she can make you feel like a princess.”
Ivy’s smile widens. “Well, okay. I’d like that.”
My heart squeezes. Ivy is so…good. She’s spent her whole life being by my side, not asking for anything. She’s supported me through years