I knew she thought she was doing the right thing by pushing me away.
But it wasn’t the right thing.
The place I’m supposed to be is by her side. When she walked away from me, I wanted to scream, but I knew it would be useless.
I turned my back on her once, and I showed her that I wasn’t strong enough.
The only way for me to prove to her that I can be by her side—that I want to be by her side—is by showing her that I’m not afraid of what the future might bring us. I can only think of one way of doing that, and that means I need to spend some time learning about her diagnosis.
By the time two months pass in New York, my heart aches for Margot. I miss her so much that pain almost feels like part of me, but I still have hope.
I have hope that she’ll see that I’m worthy of her. Hope that she’ll believe me when I say I’ll be by her side. Hope that however many years she’s on this earth, she’ll want me there with her.
At the end of two months, I feel like I know even less than I knew before, but my eyes are open. With Vicky’s help, I take everything I’ve learned and I go back to Farcliff.
Back to my love.
Back to my future.
Back to Margot.
36
Margot
After Ivy moves into her own place, I decide to sell the mansion. What does a single woman need seven bedrooms for?
Even with a nursery, there are still five bedrooms that are going unused.
The only positive about this house is the privacy. It’s a fortress, and I feel safe from prying eyes in here.
Safe, and alone.
In the silence, I always miss Dante.
I know, I know. I’m the one who pushed him away—but the heart isn’t a simple organ. I pushed him away because it was best for him, not necessarily for me. I didn’t want to tie him down to a hard, painful life.
As the weeks drag on, though, I start to think that maybe it wasn’t selfless.
Wasn’t I just protecting myself? By pushing him away, wasn’t I making sure that he wouldn’t turn his back on me again? That he wouldn’t hurt me like he did in Argyle? That I would be alone, but at least it would be on my terms?
And on another level, wasn’t I just protecting myself from the guilt of subjecting him to the life of a carer?
I saw what this disease did to my family. It tore us apart. Ivy was the only one that was strong enough to stay by Mama’s side. Even our father took off the first chance he got. For the past decade, he’s been living life bouncing from place to place, not worried about anything except forgetting the past.
I don’t want to see that happen to Dante.
The only thing I can do is move forward.
As my due date approaches, a nervous excitement builds inside me. I can’t wait to meet my baby. This little bundle of strength that has carried me through so much heartache in the past few months will be here soon, and I will be solely responsible for him.
At least, I think it’s a him. I decided not to find out, but it feels like a boy.
In early March, four weeks before my due date, I walk into my doctor’s office and take a seat for a routine appointment. A pamphlet catches my eye from the wall of brochures. Heaving myself off my chair, I waddle over to it.
A new center dedicated to supporting those with Huntington’s has opened up in Farcliff. My eyebrows arch, and I read every word on the thin pamphlet three times before the doctor calls my name.
I don’t hear much of what the OB-GYN has to say during that appointment. I only know that everything is normal with the baby, and that I know exactly where I’ll be headed after my doctor is done talking.
She smiles at me after typing up a few notes on the computer. “You look much better, Margot. I was worried about you for a while, but you seem a lot stronger.”
“I guess I’m a mother, now. I have to be.”
The doctor smiles as she stands up, leading me back out to the lobby. I head to the car and slide into the back seat. My driver glances back at me.
“Home?”
“No,” I answer, pulling the pamphlet out of my purse. “Here.”