Royal Line (Tattered Royals #1) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,74

hoped to hell she could forgive me.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You said that, but you haven’t told me why you’re sorry.”

“I’ll never get the picture of you hurt and bleeding out of my mind. And it’s my fault that you were even hurt to begin with.”

“How could you blame yourself for that? My aunt orchestrated all of this so that she could have the throne for her son. And yet you’re blaming yourself? You did everything to protect me. I’m the one who ran out because I couldn’t stand to look at you.”

“And if I hadn’t pushed you away, if I hadn’t acted like a dick because I was scared about what I was feeling for you and my own inadequacies, maybe you wouldn’t have run straight into danger. Maybe neither you nor Sparrow would have been hurt.”

“Is she really okay? She and I have been texting a bit, but I don’t know if she’s lying to me or not.”

“You’re checking up on her?” I asked.

“Of course, I am. She was hurt because of me.”

“No she wasn’t. None of this was your fault.”

“Then none of this was your fault either,” she shouted back.

I hadn’t even realized I had raised my voice until she did the same.

“I’m going to be honest and tell you that I’m scared,” I said, not even realizing the words were coming out of my mouth until I’d spoken them. I just needed to get my head out of my ass and say what I was feeling.

“Scared of what?” she asked wearily.

“I was scared you were going to end up like Phoebe.”

She pressed her lips together. “You loved her very much,” she whispered, and I heard the pain there.

I stepped forward again, this time hesitantly putting my hand on her cheek. She didn’t move away, and I took that as a good sign. “I did. I loved her very much. But that doesn’t mean she’s the only person I can ever love.”

“What are you saying, Kannon?”

“I’m saying that sometimes I get in my own way. I do it all the time. Phoebe’s not the only one in my heart now. And that means I’m going to be scared to death of losing you like I lost her.”

“Kannon,” she breathed. Then she pushed my hand away. “I bared myself to you, and you threw it back in my face.”

I let out a breath, the hurt in her words a visceral pain. “I know, and that’s unforgivable. I was trying to do what I thought was best for you.”

“You were trying to make my decisions for me. Something that everyone has done for me since the time I was conceived. Most likely, before that. How do I know you won’t throw that back in my face again?”

“You don’t. You’ll have to trust me. And I’ll have to spend however long it takes working to make sure I earn that trust.”

“I shouldn’t even be listening to this. I should let you walk away again or do it myself.” I waited for her to continue, waited to hear something that would give me hope. “But...I can’t. If I do that, I’ll only be hurting myself. And I’m done hurting my future and heart just to live up to everyone else’s expectations.”

I nearly fell to my knees, truly ready to grovel. “I’m sorry. I’m scared. I was an idiot. I’ll do whatever you want. But take me back. I know this is too fast, and there’s so much left in our way, but let’s figure it out together. I’ll go down on my knees if I have to. I’ll grovel. I’ll do anything you want. But just forgive me for walking away. Forgive me, please.”

She blinked up at me and then reached up and traced her finger along my jawline.

I leaned into her touch, soaking it in. I didn’t want this to be the last time she touched me.

“You’re right. It’s far too fast,” she whispered. “But I know what I’m feeling. I don’t know how this is going to work. I don’t even know what my future looks like beyond this moment, but I know I don’t want to have that future without you. I want to figure it out. I love you, Kannon. I wasn’t lying or caught up in the moment when I said it.”

I sucked in a breath. “And I love you too,” I whispered. Her eyes filled with tears, and I leaned in and brushed my lips along hers. She sank into me, and I nearly groaned. I’d missed