Royal Line (Tattered Royals #1) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,70

and tell.”

Sparrow coughed. “Bullshit. Tell all.”

Rian regaled us with stories of what it was like dating on set. “Look, none of that shit that you do on set is meant to be sexy at all.”

Sparrow shook her head. “I know there are people around, but isn’t it even a little bit sexy?”

Rian laughed. “No. Honestly, you’ve got Frank holding the boom mic over your face, trying his darn best not to look at your exposed nipple, which, by the way, your co-star has to strategically lick around.”

I sat there, jaw agape. Fascinated. “Wait, he actually licked your nipple?”

“Well, I mean it has to look that way. You discuss beforehand what you’re actually going to do in the scene. It’s like dance moves. Step here, touch here, kiss here, lick there.”

I leaned forward. “Oh my God, so that was really his hand on your boob? Squeezing?”

Rian shrugged. “Yup.”

“Is that when you guys started getting it on?”

Rian laughed. “No! It’s too awkward. And not sexy at all. And if you’re smart, you never trust any feelings you’re having on set. We didn’t get together until after. Besides, he had a girlfriend during filming.”

“You’re telling me there was no showmance?” It was good to talk about things other than Kannon, and Rian was just the storyteller to lift my mood. I could also go a full twenty seconds without thinking of Kannon while she was talking.

She shook her head. “Nope. But during the movie, they broke up. The long filming hours were too much for her. And she’s an actress too, so she gets it, but time apart isn’t easy. And then during the press junkets, I don’t know, we just connected or something. But that’s not going to work out. He’s that guy who needs someone around. If I was the kind of girl to follow him from set to set and just be available when he is, we could probably make it work. But I’m not that girl. I’ve got my own shit going on. It was fun for the month or so while we were traveling to promote Rebel Cause, but now? It’s done.”

“Please tell me there were at least orgasms,” Sparrow asked, all ears.

Rian laughed, and I said, “Wow, you’re really into this.”

Sparrow sighed dramatically. “I don’t know about you, but I have been high and dry in the desert for far too long. Rian’s story is the only thing keeping me going right now. I’ve got more angst about sex. I need this in my life.”

I laughed along with them. But that one little remark just reminded me that my bed would be empty. It told me that everything I felt with Kannon, under his lips, under his hands, that was over now. The one thing I was happy about was that, for the first time in a long time, I’d been vulnerable with someone. And I knew that was what I needed to do all the time. I couldn’t go back to being closed off. Just a little bit distant, waiting for that rejection. Otherwise, I would never be happy.

It was like Sparrow knew the direction of my thoughts because she said, “Look, he’s my boss, and my friend, and my mentor, but Kannon is an idiot. One day he’s going to realize that he let the best thing in his life go, and he’s going to come crawling back. I hope you make him bleed.”

Rian raised her glass. “Hear, hear for making him bleed.”

I laughed, knowing it was forced, and I raised my glass. “He’s not coming back. Or at least, not coming to Alden. If there was a wishing tree to grant me this one wish and he did come back, I promise, I would make him bleed. And who knows? Maybe I wouldn’t even be available.”

My girls grinned at me. “Amen, sister. That’s what I’m talking about,” Sparrow hooted.

Rian lifted a brow. “Really?”

Sparrow shrugged and laughed. “What? It seems appropriate.”

Rian just rolled her eyes. “Fine, let’s go with amen, sister.” Then we clinked glasses.

Except I knew the truth. I couldn’t even let my heart hope for something like him coming back, otherwise I would always be on this precipice, waiting for him. Waiting for life to happen to me. And I was done waiting.

I was going to live my life in the moment. Make my own plans. I was going to direct my own destiny.

Chapter 20

Kannon

Regrets are for those who forget to live.

A week after leaving Paris, my arm hurt, my head hurt, and