Royal Line (Tattered Royals #1) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,42

a long line of people I’ve let down.”

The words rang hollow as I swallowed hard, trying to catch my breath.

Her gaze went soft. She looked at me before she slowly wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my chest.

“Kannon. I’m so sorry.”

I held my arms stiffly at my sides, and then, almost involuntarily, they wrapped around her, pulling her close.

My body shuddered, and I closed my eyes tightly, willing the thoughts away.

But she just held me, this princess with the attitude and someone trying to kill her.

She held me.

And I was lost.

I wasn’t sure how long she held me.

It had been so long since I let anyone get close. Let anyone see the mask slip and show anyone the pain.

It could have been minutes; it could have been hours for all I knew.

Somehow, we’d ended up on the couch, London wrapping herself around me spider monkey style. When she finally lifted her head, her gaze met mine. “I’m sorry you lost your wife.”

“Wasn’t your fault.”

“I know. But you should probably know it wasn’t yours either.”

I shook my head. “No, I am—”

Her lips pressed together in what I recognized now as her stubborn expression. “No, Kannon, you need to know, you didn’t put the bomb there. You can’t take on all the world’s problems. I know you want to fix it. Trust me, I understand the compulsion. For a long time after my parents died, I thought maybe if I’d somehow gotten them to stay, they’d still be alive. I was feeling sick, and they were going to stay home, but I told them to go. If I’d just played up being sick more, they’d have stayed at home and not been hit by a drunk driver.”

How the hell was that even the same thing? There was no way she could have known or stopped the events that happened. “But, London, that doesn’t make any—” I stopped when her brow lifted. “Well, it’s hardly the same thing.”

“Isn’t it? What happened to your wife was a horrible accident. Some psycho targeted her. You didn’t plant the bomb. Psychopaths have a way of getting to you no matter what. But the result could have still been the same, and you would have still found a way to blame yourself. You can’t carry that around with you.”

I wasn’t a fan of her brand of logic right now. “If you say so. I bet you’re still holding onto your parents though.”

She shrugged. “Well, it’s harder to shake off than I’m saying, but you have to try. You have a life to live.”

My gaze swept over her beautiful face. “And what about you? Have you lived your life?” I knew she was trying to avoid having some idiot’s baby. But was there someone she loved? Had there ever been? “You’re clearly smart, you’re stunning, and you’re a princess. I’m sure there have been offers.”

She licked her lips then. “Yes, there have been a few, but I don’t know, I always feel separate.” She gave me a wide smile. “I’m living my life, but maybe not living my best life. It’s like I’m some kind of spectator. I give the excuses of not having enough time to date and all those kinds of things, but honestly, I’m just terrified. I work really hard on having just the right image, doing all the right things. Doing what’s expected. And I am just terrified of failing everyone. All the time. I mean even photography. My mom was a photographer, and so every picture I take, every time I go out, I want to make her proud.”

“I’m sure they’re proud of you.”

“I hope so. But I don’t know, all the living life things are always a little bit out of reach. Because of honor, or duty, and all that jazz. Because, well, it’s sometimes easier not to do anything.”

“The woman I know is kind of a spitfire and takes no shit.”

“Well, that London is far away from home and terrified. So not entirely at my best here.”

“Well, I happen to like her. She thinks on her feet, she’s strong-willed. Feisty. I think she could have anything she wanted.”

She gazed up at me under lowered lashes. Then I could see her tongue peeking out to lick her bottom lip. “You’ve kissed me twice now. And then you backed off. Maybe you’re not over what happened to your wife. But you keep kissing me.”

I let out a shuddering sigh and tried to breathe. “I know. And honestly, I