here, holding you. Being with you.” Xander stops speaking for a moment, but his eyes are speaking volumes to me. I see vulnerability again, and I wonder what he is about to say. “I’ve never done this before.”
I furrow my brow, taking in his words. “You mean this? Being together after sex?”
Xander swallows. “Yes. I wanted sex. I didn’t want this. This meant closeness.”
I grasp what he is confessing to me.
I’m the first woman he’s been emotionally intimate with.
“And now?” I ask, my pulse quickening.
“I want this,” Xander says, brushing his lips sweetly to mine. “But only with you. I’ve never let a woman stay where I live. That was a rule. I didn’t want them to build a fantasy in their head. If I let a woman stay at my flat or cottage, that was too close to me. So sex was always at their place. Or a hotel. Someplace that I didn’t have a connection to. And I always left straightaway, so there was no confusing what it was.”
“Even with India?” I ask quietly.
He nods. “Yes. I couldn’t bring myself to change. When I thought I should, I would sweat and grow queasy at the idea of cuddling with her.” Xander stops speaking, wincing. “God, I was an arse to her.”
“That’s your past,” I say firmly, trailing my fingertips down his chest and purposely stopping on his heart. “You broke up with India because you knew it wasn’t right for either of you. You apologised to her. You couldn’t be something you weren’t. Your heart knew that, Xander. And that is not who you are now.”
“No,” he says firmly, shaking his head. “It’s not.”
“I know. I know you, remember?” I say.
Xander smiles. “I wish you could stay the night with me, but then you’d have to get up at three in the morning to go home and get ready for work.”
I scowl. “I hate my baker’s hours right now.”
“Yes, could you switch your career to banking? Much better hours for our dating,” Xander teases, his mouth tipping up in a sexy smirk.
I laugh. Xander captures my laugh with a kiss.
Mm. Delicious.
“I do want you to sleep in my bed,” Xander says, his expression growing serious. “I want you to be the first to do that.”
More feelings for this man take root in my heart, blooming along with all the other seeds that have been planted there tonight.
“I would love to stay the night with you,” I say.
“What about tomorrow night? I have three engagements, but I’ll be back by six.”
I know I’m beaming. “Yes, I would love that.”
He drops another kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry it will always have to be here. I’d love to take you out to dinner, but that would be a lot of logistics with my PPOs and sneaking into the back door of a restaurant. It’s much easier to bring the restaurant to you.”
“I understand. And I’m okay with that.”
He exhales. “Thank you for being patient.”
We continue to talk and cuddle, and finally, we drag ourselves off the sofa and get dressed. Once we are in the kitchen, we wash our hands, retrieve plates and wine glasses, and Xander starts by pouring us each a big glass of red wine. I laugh as he hands me my drink.
“Why, Your Royal Highness, are you trying to get me drunk?” I tease. “First Scotch, now a rather generous pour of wine. I would say it’s to ease me into your bed, but you know you don’t need alcohol to do that.”
He grins wickedly. “I think we both know I don’t need to ply you with wine for that. And that we don’t need a bed for tremendously hot sex, now do we?”
We both laugh. I take a sip of wine, and Xander begins pulling containers out of the fridge. He glances at me and stops dead in his tracks, a pained expression filtering across his face.
“I can see how red your face is in this light,” Xander says softly. Then he frowns. “I know it had to hurt when I kissed you.”
I smile at him. “I have no regrets about you kissing me.”
“I managed to hold off touching your face, but I couldn’t stop from kissing you.”
“I forgot it was supposed to hurt,” I say. “And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
He smiles and appears satisfied with that answer.
Which is the truth.
“So, what’s for dinner?” I ask, curious. “And how much do you think I need to eat?” I joke as Xander