I do. That your family does. Your family loves you for your strength. Your loyalty. Your intelligence and humour and a million other things I could list. They love you as fiercely as I do. We trust you. But you have to trust yourself. I can’t do that for you. Only you can. What I want,” I say, my voice breaking, “is a man who will fight for us. Be my partner. Believe me when I say I will do whatever it takes for his love. And it breaks my heart that you don’t want to be that man.”
A stricken look passes over his face. I hate that I’m hurting him like this, but I have to get through to him. This is my chance. I have to push as hard as I can to get him to embrace himself.
“This is not about my own good,” I cry, shaking my head. “This is about you protecting yourself from a future that will never happen. And cheating both of us out of a love we both want. Well, I won’t stand for it. I won’t.”
Then I turn around and storm towards the front door.
“Poppy, wait!” Xander yells.
I open the door and whirl around, facing him for what might be the last time. “No. If you think you can be the man I love, then you know where to find me. But I won’t come after you. I know who I am. What I’m willing to sacrifice. And if you can believe in yourself, if you can trust our love to face the challenge of living in this gilded cage, then I will talk to you. But not until then. I don’t want to see you unless you believe that as passionately as I do.”
Then I run up the path, praying for all the courage I have not to turn back. I hear him call my name as I run, and the anguish in his voice nearly causes me to drop to the ground. I stumble, but I don’t fall.
And I don’t look back.
A sob escapes my throat as I round the corner, away from the cottage.
Away from the man I love.
I collapse against a brick wall, sobbing. I know him as well as I know myself. Xander is stubborn and fierce when it comes to protecting those he loves. If I didn’t pierce that veneer, if I didn’t manage to chip away at that and get to his heart, I know what the result will be.
I will have lost him.
And I don’t know how I can face a future without him in it.
* * *
Four days.
I stare glumly into my mug of tea, absently dunking the tea bag back and forth as I do. It’s been four days since I left Xander at his cottage.
My life has been shattered ever since.
The news of Arthur’s heart attack has made worldwide news. Press coverage has been intense on the whole family, yet Xander has borne it well. I watched him hold a press conference on TV, speaking confidently and comfortingly, announcing that he would be stepping in as prince regent whilst his father recovers. Though Arthur was doing well, according to his doctors, Xander said he wanted to let him take the time he needs for a complete, unrushed recovery. Xander was strong. Encouraging. Intelligent. Forward-looking.
Everything a king needs to be.
I cried a million tears while watching him. I have never been so proud of him.
If only he could be that proud of himself.
A shaky breath escapes my lips. I haven’t received a single message from him. No phone calls. No texts.
Xander has put the walls up around his heart because he doesn’t think he is worthy of my love, I think with anguish. And I’ll never be with him again.
The mug swims in front of my eyes, and I push it away. I’ve received a million messages from the squad, desperate to see me, which I have refused. Seeing his family right now would only break my heart further. Everyone from Christian to Bella has told me Xander is being stubborn and stupid but he’ll snap out of it once Arthur is settled in at his home in Gloucestershire, where he plans to recover.
Arthur was released from the hospital yesterday.
And Xander has remained silent.
I somehow made it through a day of work on Monday, but it was horrible. It would be horrible regardless but having to work on royal wedding biscuits made it absolutely brutal.