Foreboding grips my soul. This isn’t about Arthur. I know it’s not.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “Whatever is bothering you, I want you to share it with me.”
He says nothing. He doesn’t turn around.
“Xander, please,” I say, my voice choking up. “Please don’t do this to me. Please, don’t shut me out.”
Xander turns around. I’m stunned to see his eyes are rimmed with red.
“Tonight has taught me something,” he says, his voice thick with unshed tears. “Something I never thought I’d say to you, but I have to.”
I begin to shake. Fear courses through my veins.
“What’s that?” I ask, my voice barely audible to my own ears.
“I have to end things between us,” Xander says. “Poppy, we can never be together ever again. It’s over. It has to be over.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Four Days
I stare at him, stunned. My heart stops beating as I take in his words.
I have to end things between us. Poppy, we can never be together ever again. It’s over. It has to be over.
“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” Xander says, his voice thick with unshed emotion. “But I was selfish to bring you into my world. Tonight proved that I can never provide you with the life you deserve.”
“What? What does that even mean?” I ask tearfully.
“I saw your face tonight, Poppy!” Xander blurts out. He begins pacing. “The appalled look when Henry and Arabella started shouting at each other. The hurt in your eyes when my grandmother snubbed you. The look of disgust at all the people in that conference room, all vying for control over what would happen with my father. I saw it. You don’t want to live like this. You deserve so much better. And I’m the one who selfishly dragged you into this, don’t you see that? Tonight proved that I was living in a dream. I won’t keep you trapped here. I won’t ruin your life along with mine. I refuse to do it.”
“Xander, don’t base my feelings on my reactions tonight,” I say, shaking my head. “That’s not fair. This was all new to me. It will take me time to get used to it.”
“No,” he snaps angrily. “You shouldn’t have to get used to it. You will eventually see I’m not worth this. Because I’m not.”
“I get to decide that, not you!” I cry, tears falling from my eyes. “I chose this because I love you.”
“I don’t deserve it!” he yells, his eyes flashing wildly. “Don’t you see that?”
My mind is racing. How did we get here? What is making Xander shove me away?
“I know what my heart wants,” I say, opening my arms wide. “It’s you. It can only be you.”
“You will find someone else,” Xander says, his voice rough. “Someone whose life won’t trap you into a career you don’t want. Someone who has a normal family who will embrace you. You will meet a man, and you’ll be able to go out in public and be free of the paparazzi and disgusting articles in the press. You will be a full-time biscuit artist and be happy, and you won’t miss any of this.”
“But I don’t want anyone else,” I reply, my voice shaking. “I want you. I’m willing to live this life for you.”
“I won’t let you!” Xander yells. “I won’t!”
“Why? What has changed? I told you I will learn to live with those things. That’s my choice to make, not yours. You can’t protect me from the world, Xander!”
“I can’t even protect you in the palace!” he roars back, anger flashing in his eyes.
I’ve struck something. The real reason that is driving him to shove me away.
“What do you mean by that?” I ask quietly.
Xander resumes pacing. “You saw me. My father was having a heart attack, and I couldn’t help you. I was an army captain, for God’s sake, and when there was a crisis, when my father’s life depended on it, I couldn’t act. If you hadn’t been there, he might have died.”
I gasp in horror. Oh, no, no, no. Xander is taking this all upon his shoulders.
“Xander,” I say, determined to take this away from him. “You were in shock. You couldn’t process what was happening at first, but you came out of it. You were there for him. You were.”
“No,” he says, coming to a halt in front of me. “I was not. I froze. What if I had been alone with my father? I was useless. And what if that was you,