are trembling in his, and Xander tightens his grip on them.
“If you want me to leave, I will,” he whispers. “And it will kill me, but I promise you, I won’t look back.”
“No!” I cry, my voice breaking free at last. “I don’t want that. Never again. I love you, Xander. This is all because I love you.”
Then I burst into tears.
Within seconds, he’s wrapped his strong arms around me. I knot his dress shirt in my hand, burying my face against his chest, sobbing into him and clutching him because I never want to let him go.
And I don’t.
“I’m sorry,” I sob into his warm body. “I’m so sorry.”
Xander’s hand runs over my hair. “It’s all right. This is all that matters.”
Finally, my tears subside. I pull back from him, and he moves to sit next to me on the bed. As soon as he does, Xander takes me into his arms protectively.
“You could never, ever embarrass me or the monarchy,” he says. “People can say what they want. My work will speak for itself. As will yours. Which will be serving the people and using your creative skills. I promise you that.”
“I believe you.”
“I also know,” Xander continues softly, “that you fear losing your independence. Which is hard for you, because you would have to depend on me financially if we share a life together.”
“Yes,” I admit.
“But you won’t be relying on me,” Xander explains. “Everything I have will be yours. We’ll approach everything as a team, with you having equal say in all areas. It will be our money. Our property. I will be happy to write that into a pre-nuptial agreement to protect you and give you peace. If you want your own account in addition to what we have, we can do that, too. I don’t ever want you to feel as if you are beholden to me. Because once you are my wife, you are my partner. In all areas.”
Gratitude for Xander fills my heart and soul. I pull back and clasp my hands around his neck, so I can see him as I speak. “For so long, I was afraid of losing my independence. Of having to rely on someone else to support me. But now I don’t see it that way. Not with you. I know when you say these words to me it’s true. We’ll be partners in all areas of our lives. I trust you, Xander. With everything I hold dear. Thank you for understanding this part of who I am. I am so lucky, so grateful, to be loved this way by you.”
“I love these parts of you,” Xander says. “I wouldn’t want to change them.”
“As I wouldn’t want to change anything about you.”
We’re quiet for a moment, then Xander speaks again.
“Poppy, I can’t even tell you how scared I was when you hung up on me,” he says softly. “I thought I had lost you. I couldn’t think of that. I don’t want to go back to a life that doesn’t have you as a part of it.”
I move my hand to his face, feeling his stubble scratch my skin as I caress him.
“I’m so sorry I put you through that,” I say, my voice shaking with regret. “You deserved better than what I did to you today. I just knew in my heart that if I saw you, my love would take over. I could never break up with you in person. Please forgive me, Xander. Please forgive me for being so selfish.”
“As long as you forgive me for being stupid with my mother,” he replies.
“We were both stupid. But I don’t care now.”
We’re both quiet for a moment, content to just be in each other’s arms. Finally, Xander breaks the silence.
“When did you know you loved me?” he asks, his eyes searching mine.
I smile. “When I told you I loved you the first time. Gin liberated me to say it, but I meant it that night on the walk home from Helene’s apartment.”
Love now shines through his eyes, filling my heart with complete happiness.
“I meant it when I said it that night, too,” he says.
I gasp. “Wait. You mean … you did tell me that night? I didn’t dream that?”
He smiles. “I did. But I didn’t want you to feel like you had to say it just because I did. I wanted you to say it when you felt it in your heart. And were sober,” he adds with a wink.