reputation that he has worked so hard to rebuild is now a joke.
And I will only continue to make it worse.
How can I do this to Xander? The public will never accept a biscuit queen. All of our talks late at night in the hammock about creating a new vision for the monarchy were foolish. Unrealistic.
It was all a fairy tale.
Because in the real world, people don’t want the girl who worked in a fish and chip shop as a queen. They don’t want a baker who loves to go to biscuit conventions and speaks a love language about the latest in icing techniques. They want the mystique. The polished, beautiful, elegant woman who will flawlessly do ribbon cuttings and speaking engagements. Who knows precisely what to say. Who knows the rules and protocol. What to wear. How to gain the favour of the suits in the palace.
They want a woman who they would be proud to call their queen.
Not one they are ashamed of. Not a woman who will be the butt of memes and comments for as long as she remains by the side of their future king.
And making a joke of him merely by loving him.
“I … I … need to be alone,” I sputter.
“Poppy, I don’t want you to be alone,” Bella says. “Liz texted me. She’s on her way over with Roman. Clementine, Victoria, and Amelia are coming, too. Everyone is furious. We are going to get you through this. And once Xander is here—”
“No!” I cry, leaping up off the sofa and sticking my hand out. “I can’t see Xander. I can’t!”
“Why?” Bella asks, confusion filling her face. Then she gasps. “Oh, Poppy! You don’t believe that rubbish article, do you?”
I’m still shaking. I nearly drop my phone, I’m shaking so badly. I don’t say a word.
And my silence speaks volumes.
“Good God, Poppy, what are you thinking?” Bella asks, rising from the sofa, her eyes searching mine. “Oh, no, don’t thi—”
“I need to go,” I say abruptly, cutting her off. “I’ll call a cab.”
“No, no,” Bella says, her blue eyes wide with alarm. “Don’t do that. The press will be waiting for you at your home. They will be digging up all the details of your life, and it’s not safe. You can go downstairs. That’s Liz’s old room. You can have all the privacy in the world down there. I won’t bother you if you promise to stay. But please, don’t leave like this. You’re safe here. I won’t let anyone downstairs to see you. You have my word.”
“Don’t let Xander in,” I plead, my voice sounding painfully desperate. “Promise me that. Promise me you’ll find a way to stop him. Promise me, Bella, or I’ll leave.”
I wonder if Bella will agree. She is as fiercely loyal to Xander as I am, and she might not be able to do this for me out of love for her cousin.
She swallows before answering. “I will. You have my word.”
“Thank you,” I say. Then I hurry from the room, running down the stairs, and flee into the darkness that is Liz’s old room. I flip on the light switch and shut the door behind me. As soon as I do, heartbreak crashes over me in huge waves, ones that swallow me up and drown me as my body is racked with heavy, painful sobs.
I no longer have to fear Xander shoving me away to save me.
Because I’m going to do it first.
That’s the only answer to this. To save the future of the monarchy. To spare his family further embarrassment.
To save the man I love with all my heart and soul.
And that is to end things with Xander.
Tonight.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Always
The second my phone rings, my heart knows it’s him. It just does. It’s been about an hour since I’ve been holed up down in Liz’s bedroom, crying until my heart has no more tears left to shed.
I pick it up and look at it.
My heart shatters. It is, indeed, Xander.
I have to be brave, I will myself. I have to do it. I have to do it on the phone, as horrible as that is, because if I see him, I’ll be selfish. I’ll change my mind. I’ll believe what he tells me, even if he’s saying the words to make me feel better.
The steel inside of me, the first quality that drew Xander to me, is what will save me now. So I can do this.