back into the gym, where Celeste, Heidi, Foley, and everyone else got to observe the continued slurs. Retribution boiled in Woody’s throat; this was just the beginning of what he had planned for me. When at last the bell rang, the abuse spread through the halls like contagion. After such a victorious morning, it was a crushing reminder that I did not and would not ever belong.
Ted had cautioned me that I couldn’t miss another practice and still play at Friday’s homecoming game, but compared to the memory of my mother’s take-no-prisoners tone, his warnings were ineffective. When I got home I leaned against Grinder and pretended the river was Lake Michigan and my mom was next to me, her arm angled protectively about my shoulders, her fingernails biting into my arm. Momentous sobs caught in my chest. Harnett could not protect me as she had. I missed her so much.
He arrived at dusk. After dropping his gear inside, he wandered around the cabin and approached, stopping ten feet away to cross his arms. I tightened my grip on Grinder and considered the dirt at my feet.
“Don’t start,” I said.
He shrugged. “It was a terrible hole and you know it.”
“Don’t fucking start with me, Harnett.” I swung the shovel. Grinder sliced at the hard ground and rang when she hit violently off-center.
Harnett narrowed his eyes in disapproval. “If you didn’t notice, our cabinets are empty. We need food. We need money. What we need is to get up to Lancet County and do the Merriman grave. But look at you. You’re not even close to ready.”
I made another frustrated stab with Grinder. Harnett winced at the clang of metal.
“You don’t know what I’ve been through,” I growled.
“You had to get up a couple hours early. You had to use a shovel. That qualifies as hard labor?”
“School!” My voice broke in half.
He paused. “School.”
“Yeah, school. The place where I go to get tortured every day? Ever heard of it?”
His puzzled, almost innocent confusion drove me mad. I brayed and drove Grinder with all my might. The flat surface of the shovel hit square and a great jolt shook through my skeleton. The pain was instant and I backpedaled. Grinder fell into the grass, her wooden handle split into three shards.
My father sped forward and kneeled. He lifted the broken wood and tenderly rolled it across his palm.
“Grinder,” he said. “She broke.”
“It was old,” I said, trying to tamp down the horror. “It was old, it’s not my fault.”
He peered up at me as if incredulous that I could possess this kind of strength. “I’ve had her for a very long time,” he whispered. “Twenty-six years.”
I wiped my face with a sleeve. “Well, now you got me.”
He toyed with the wood for a moment longer, pressing together the edges as if harboring a fantasy of repair. Then his shoulders fell and the pieces dropped to the grass. He wiped his palms.
“Tell me,” he said.
“Tell you what?”
He blinked up at me. “School.”
The river roared.
I opened my mouth but had no idea what came next.
He watched me. The setting sun colored him red.
“It’s hard,” I said. Without the shovel to hold me up I battled collapse. “Every day since I came here. It’s so hard.”
“You study all the time.”
“That’s not what I mean,” I said. “Studying doesn’t matter. That’s not school. That’s something else. That’s … paperwork.”
“You’re unsatisfied in some way.”
I laughed once. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I’m unsatisfied. That’s one way to put it.” I looked out over the golden treetops. “Everyone there is against me. I don’t know why. They do things to me. They embarrass me. You have no idea. You have no idea.” I pressed my eyelids against the tears that wanted to return.
“Good,” said Harnett.
I peeked out at him in disbelief.
“These people at your school.” He shrugged. “They’re not supposed to understand us.”
“Us?”
He nodded. “Diggers.”
I sniffed up the snot the tears had thickened. “What does that have to do with anything?”
He clasped his hands. “The world is full of pain. Everyone you see there is hurting from it. That principal I had to speak to? And his assistant?”
“Simmons and Diamond,” I said automatically.
“They eat pain for breakfast. You can’t stand next to them without expecting it to rub off. You’re unhappy there. I’m not surprised. I don’t think it’s possible to be happy in proximity to such people. I’ve never found it possible. But beneath?” He touched a finger to the ground. “Beneath is a different