Roped Tight (Ryker Ranch #4) - Kim Loraine Page 0,36

a glass of iced tea and listening to the sounds of the evening as the ranch tucked away for bed. The air was scented with all the normal things we were used to here, but there was also the smell of fresh-cut hay and wildflowers on the breeze. This was something I missed desperately when I was traveling. I spent most of my year on the road, going to different countries and seeing the world. None of that lived up to this place right here. But it had been so painful to think about coming home that first year, and the second, then my dad got real sick, and I thought if I came home and saw him like that, it would be the last memory I had of him. So like a fucking coward, I stayed away. I lost all those years with him because I was scared, and because I was hurt by Tucker.

Overwhelming emotion hit me in the chest, catching in my breath and curling up—a sob waiting to escape. I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my hands, breathing long and slow through my nose. The soft scent of flowers filled my nose—my mama's perfume—wrapping around me like a hug before she even touched me.

"Oh, honey. What happened?" She put her arm around me and rubbed my back like she did when I was little.

"I got something I need to tell you, Mama."

My heart pounded, anxiety clawing at my chest. But she just whispered, “You can tell me anything."

"I'm sorry."

I sat up and looked at her, this strong woman who'd been through so much. I could see in her eyes she would always be there for me. No questions asked.

"What are you sorry for, honey?"

"For leavin’. For staying away for so long. For not being the son you needed. For so many things…and especially for keeping secrets."

I hated that I was on the verge of tears, that my voice wobbled, and that she looked at me like she already knew all of that. Like she already knew all my secrets.

"I know, baby. But there's no reason for you to be sorry. You're here, you're with us, and no matter where you were, we knew you loved us and we hope you knew we loved you."

"I need to tell you something about me. About who I am."

She took my shaking hands and nodded. "I'm listening."

"Mama, I'm never gonna marry a woman. And it's not because I don't want to give you grandchildren or because I don't want to settle down and find love."

Her gentle face lightened something in my chest. "I know.” She reached out and ran her thumb over my cheek. “Do you love him?"

Shock would have knocked me on my ass if I hadn’t already been sitting. "You know?"

"Samuel, I have known since you hit puberty."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't for me to tell you who you were. You had to come to that on your own. You had to come to me and tell me when you were ready. I just hoped that you trusted me enough to be ready one day."

A tear slipped down my cheek then. I couldn't stop it. She wrapped me in a tight hug, and I just let out all the weight I'd been carrying for so many years.

"Does everybody know?" I said after I pulled myself together.

"If they do, it's only because they figured it out." She looked me straight in the face, a serious expression turning her mouth into a straight line rather than the usual soft smile. "Now, you didn't answer my question. Do you love him?"

"I did. But he didn't feel the same."

She sighed and squeezed my hand. "Tucker Weston is a hard man to read, Sam. He's walled himself up good and strong, and it's taken us ten years to chip away at it. Don't be too sure about how he felt.”

Standing, she tugged me with her and grabbed my iced tea glass. "Now, come on, I got some leftover apple pie in the fridge that I'm not allowed to eat. So I'm gonna heat it up for you, put a big scoop of ice cream on it, and I'm gonna sit there and watch you and live vicariously through you."

That made me laugh. She'd taken things very seriously after she had her heart attack, changed her diet, started exercising, and was determined to be around a long, long time. So, of course, I’d do what I could to help her