“She’s like twenty two years old, Paul. What’s happened to you? Cheating on me for a year? Leaving me and the kids every weekend while you spend time with her?! Lying to all of us? What the hell is wrong with you?”
He sits there staring at the floor and doesn’t say a word. I want him to give me some kind of answer, some kind of explanation. But he gives me nothing.
I grab another tissue and blow my nose, hating that I am crying in front of him because I am not a pretty crier, and now I suddenly feel ashamed to look like a mess in front of him.
“So now what?” I ask him, even though I don’t want to hear the answer at all, because I already know what’s coming. “What do we do now?”
“We don’t have to talk about that right now. I think you’ve had enough for today. Why don’t you—”
I slam my hand on the nightstand, making him jump. “Don’t coddle me, Paul! Just say it. I don’t want to drag this on. This is killing me inside. Do you even see that? Do you even care?”
“Of course I care, Ivy. I care about you and the kids more than anything in the world.”
“Apparently not, or we wouldn’t be sitting here discussing your affair.”
He ignores my sarcasm. “You know I care about you and the kids. I always will. But I think we’ve grown apart over the past few years. You’ve said it yourself a few times. We barely see each other. We argue-“
“We barely see each other? Paul, you’re never home. I’m always here with the kids! You’re either working, or I guess, lately, you’ve been out dating and having a fun life with someone else. The only reason we argue is because you’re never here! Don’t you dare try to blame this on ‘us’. I’ve been a good wife and mother. I’ve never strayed. I take care of everything around here.”
He closes his eyes for a long time and nods. “You’re right. You are, and I know that. You’ve always been a great wife, and you’re a terrific mom.” He shakes his head slowly, still looking at the floor, which seems to be the only place his eyes can focus on now. “I guess I just started to want something more, or different, than that.”
I stare at this stranger who has taken over my husband’s body. “More? What does that even mean? We have two beautiful children and a nice house. Both of us have good jobs. We’ve been in a relationship for twenty years, eighteen of which we’ve been married! We have everything you have always said you wanted. What more do you want?”
His face contorts with exasperation and confusion. “I don’t know, Ivy. This is hard for me, too. I love you and the kids. I’m very torn. I just . . . I don’t even know how to explain it. I guess I just want something different. When I met Charlene, it’s like everything I thought I wanted just changed. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“That’s just great. I’m glad to hear that Charlene has led you to the path of true happiness and saved you from your boring, torturous life here with your family. I’m sure her sexy body had absolutely nothing to do with any of it.” I hurl my tissue into the small garbage pail next to the nightstand.
“That’s not true, and I didn’t mean it like that. Maybe because I’ve only ever been with you, I got restless. Don’t you ever wonder what it would be like to be with someone else?”
I turn to stare at him. “So you got bored sleeping with me and had to have some twenty year old? Someone you could fuck so hard they couldn’t walk? Is that what you said to her? When did you become a pig? And no, I have never thought about being with another man. Unlike you, I have always been more than happy with exactly what I have, even though you’ve never fucked me so hard I couldn’t walk. In fact, most times, you can barely stay awake to finish the job.”
He winces at my comment but reaches for my hand. I quickly pull away. “Don’t touch me, Paul.”
“I’m trying to apologize.”
“Don’t. That’s not even possible. What are you going to do now? What do you want?” I repeat.