Slumping in the cushion, I pulled my hood over my head. “Guess I already knew the answer to that.”
“Lola—”
“You brought me to meet someone like Johnny Muse because you wanted me to think Drezden was dangerous.”
“He is dangerous!” Sean snapped, crushing the steering wheel.
No, I thought morosely, it's Johnny's who's dangerous. Not the man I—what? Love? Closing my eyes, I pictured Drezden's face; his hard edges and wild green eyes. All I wanted was to see him, even just to talk to him and confront him with Johnny's accusations. He might get mad. But let him.
There were nuggets of truth in Johnny's words. I wasn't sure which parts, but Drez had to explain. He just had to tell me what had happened with his father.
The drive to the Hilton couldn't go fast enough.
It was drizzling as we rolled up to the tall building. Even with the surge of bleak weather, people were milling around, covering their heads with jackets to stay as dry as they could.
My seat belt was unlocked; Sean's hand on my shoulder kept me sitting. “Lola, I know you're confused.”
“I'm not confused.” There were a lot of questions running wild, jabbing at me, but I had come to a conclusion as we drove. There was one person who could tell me the truth, and chasing after other sources had given me nothing but a bitter aftertaste.
Drezden is the only one who can tell me everything.
“I—Lola, just...” Letting me go, Sean leaned back so fast his elbow banged the window. Amazingly, he didn't act like he felt it at all. “You're stuck on wanting to believe that Drezden isn't to blame for any of the crap he's pulled.” Though I listened, I never took my attention from my knees. “But even if you imagine he has 'reasons' or whatever, can't you see he's still responsible for the violence? Hitting Johnny, fighting with his father, and... and the bastard even got into a fight with me.”
My neck ached from how fast I turned to stare. “He what? When?”
Shame danced on the corners of my brother's lips. “The day you came back late, the night we played in Aspen. It got a little tense in the parking lot.”
“A little tense?” What the hell? “You and my boyfriend fought and neither of you told me! Why would you hide that?”
Sean flicked his gaze at me, then away, all too fast.
Pinpricks of heat traveled up my neck. “You didn't tell me because you started it, didn't you?” He stared blankly through the windshield. “Sean. Sean, that's it, isn't it? Why else would you not—”
His fist came down, hitting the wheel with a thud. “I thought you were hurt, or worse! I thought he knew where you were. Either way, trust me, your shitty boyfriend was more than happy to be in that scuffle.” He was no longer avoiding my glare, but the rage in his face didn't make me shy away.
I was pissed off, too.
“Why are you so obsessed with making Drezden into a monster?” I didn't breathe, I even wondered if my blood had gone still. I wanted Sean to say something—anything—to justify his actions.
A flicker of pain bloomed in his stare. “I need to go pick up Caleb.” He reached across me, opening my door.
If I left now, I knew he'd never tell me what was going on. He'd double down and hide it deeper. Gripping the door, I slammed it shut. “Please, Sean. Why is this all so important to you? It's not even about me anymore... is it?”
“Of course, it's about you.” His voice was weak, unconvincing. “It's always been about you.”
On instinct I jumped at him. It could have been an attack—it wasn't. My body folded across the middle of the van, encasing my brother in a hug before he could fight me off. His claim was a cry for help. “I'm sorry,” I mumbled against his shoulder. “Sean, I'm really just—I'm so sorry.”
“Lola? What the hell?” His body was tense, but he hugged me back like it was muscle memory. The times he'd protected me flooded back into both of us. I felt the barrier cracking in a sudden shatter. “Why are you apologizing?”
“I don't know,” I sniffled, wiping at my eyes.
“Why are you crying?”
“I don't know!” A hiccup choked me, broke my sudden tears and turned it into uneasy laughter.
Sean's arm crushed me against him, holding the back of my head. Relieved chuckles shook free from him, too. “You're ridiculous.”