pains, but the tour had done a number on me. Sliding the bucket and glasses closer to Brenda, I made a snap decision.
Turning so I faced her, I slid my shirt up across my chest. It kept her from seeing my scar, even though I suspected she'd done her research on me before signing the band. She probably knows about it, but I'm not taking any chances. I don't want to deal with questions right now.
I wasn't looking for a reaction, but Brenda ran her eyes up and down me without pretense. “I forgot why your fans go so nuts for you. Meow. Coming in after all?”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “For a bit.”
She made a face when I unbuckled my belt. “Please keep your boxers on.”
"I don't usually hear girls say that." Carefully, I lowered myself into the heated water across from her. The jets began working out the knots that had made a home in me. “Damn, this does feel good.”
“Right?” Beaming, she offered me a glass of champagne. I took it and swallowed a healthy mouthful. “Like I said, you need to relax.”
The way she stated that made my mouth pucker. “Don't act so all-knowing.”
“I am all-knowing,” she laughed. “I know you're freaking out about Lola, for one.” I shot a glare at her, then peered into my drink in silence. The next time Brenda spoke, it was far softer, more kind than usual. “Drez, what's going on? You're obsessing over this girl—and don't get me wrong, she's talented and pretty—”
“Gorgeous.”
“—But I've never seen you so... off. What did she do to you?”
Listening to the bubbling water, I shut my eyes. “You actually want to know?”
“Of course I do.”
Swirling my drink, I sipped it. The alcohol was like a blanket of cotton on my brain. It wasn't enough to soothe me, but it was a start. “She asked about my past.”
She barely reacted, not grasping how serious this was for me. “I take it you don't want to tell her?”
My champagne glass was empty. Drinking it made me think too much of Lola, of the way we'd celebrated her joining the band. “I just want her to want me as I am. Nothing about who I was, what I dealt with, matters now.”
Sinking deep into the water, Brenda considered me. Those thin eyebrows moved into her bangs. “Not everyone gets what they want. If anything, you two are stupid lucky.”
“What the hell does that mean, how am I lucky?”
Her attention went off to the side, elbows resting on the edge of the jacuzzi. “Sometimes we fall for someone at the wrong time, or someone who just never meshes with us.” Her tone was fragile and bitter. “I don't know, some of us get saddled with being attracted to someone that we have to see all the time but can never touch.”
Oh, shit. My back went tense against the wall. Had Brenda just admitted to being secretly in love with me? The very concept was awkward as hell. My skin prickled, suddenly I couldn't look her in the eye. If my manager has had a crush on me this whole time, then...
“You fucking moron,” she snorted, covering her mouth and laughing. Brenda tucked a curl of crimson hair behind her ear, dark eyes watching me with sly amusement. “I can tell what you're thinking. It's not you that I'm interested in, asshole.”
I was relieved—crazy relieved. But her arrogance didn't sit well with me. Tilting my head, I said, “Yeah, you're incredibly clever for figuring me out. Also? Good job confirming you were talking about yourself.”
Her whole face turned redder than her hair. “That—I—just forget it, jeez. We're supposed to be talking about you and Lola, not me and whoever.”
My interest was piqued, but ultimately, Lola was my focus. “You really think I can't have what I want?”
Reaching over, she refilled her glass, taking a deep swig. “If you mean having a relationship beyond the surface level with the girl you love...”
Alcohol makes her too bold, I thought sourly.
Brenda said, “Then no. Not without telling her about everything you went through, without facing it all over again. Drezden, Lola isn't the kind of person that can ignore your past.”
Does Brenda really know all about it? I wondered. She was talking like she did. “What kind of person is Lola?”
Hesitating, my manager wiped her mouth. “Did she ever tell you what she answered with on the day she auditioned?”