the exchange, and get paid. It’s so fucking easy and scary and I’m good at it, as much as I hate it.”
“That’s what Lindsey keeps talking about?”
“Your pill-head friend should keep her mouth shut, but yeah. I’ve been smuggling drugs from Canada for the mob. Every single penny I’ve made has gone to paying for Cora’s medical bills, and if it weren’t for this job we’d be out on the streets.”
When he finished talking, he took another deep breath and then stood up. He walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed another beer, cracking it open. I stared at him, shocked into silence, not even slightly sure what I felt about what he was telling me.
Reid, involved with the mob and smuggling drugs? That was so far removed from the guy I thought I knew, the danger-loving but still inherently good person that I had spent so much time with.
“How long?” I asked.
“A while. Years.”
“Does your mom know? Does my dad?”
“Like I said, they probably have their suspicions.”
“Are you still doing it?”
He didn’t respond, just took a deep drink of his beer.
“Are you still doing it?” I repeated, desperately hoping he would say no, no, of course not, he only did it for Cora and was putting that all behind him.
“Yes,” he said, his face impassive.
I felt like I could barely breathe. I felt like the walls were turning dark and like I was about to fall out of my chair. I stood up, feeling a little unsteady. For some reason I had to get out of there, couldn’t look at his perfect, beautiful face, his criminal face. He was part of the problem in our town. He was the source of all the pills that were ruining lives. He was the reason Lindsey was a pill head, or whatever he wanted to call her. Reid, the guy that gave me the best orgasm of my life, was a drug smuggler.
I lurched my way out of the kitchen, afraid that if I spoke I’d say something I’d regret, or maybe I’d vomit, or both. He watched me leave but didn’t say a word.
I ran upstairs and slammed my bedroom door behind me, locking the handle. I didn’t know why I did that. I knew Reid wouldn’t hurt me, but suddenly he was a menacing figure in my life. He was Reid but he was also a criminal, a smuggler.
I wanted to hide. I felt like a coward. I wanted to make him quit.
As I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, trying to get a grip, I knew that something had changed between us even more than it already had.
Chapter Fourteen: Reid
I hated the look in her eyes as she left the kitchen. That look haunted me as I finished off my beer and found where I had dropped my pack.
I didn’t want to tell Becca, but the weight of the lie was too much. I could have kept lying to my mom and Jack, but Becca deserved better. At least I wanted to give Becca better.
They always say that the truth will set you free, but in my case the truth only seemed to make things worse. Still, if she was going to be mine, it had to be for real. I couldn’t trick her into wanting me by lying about who I was and what I did to make money.
I pulled open my pack and dug down toward the bottom. The gun’s grip felt good in my hand as I pulled it out of the pack and hefted its weight. Cora had given it to me for my sixteenth birthday, back when I had started hiking for real. It was an old .38 caliber handgun, something my dad apparently used to carry around for protection from bears. I always kept it handy when I did my Canadian hikes, though I had never had to pull it out of the pack. Besides, it was shoved down at the bottom so deep that by the time I dug it out it would be too late.
I slipped the gun into my waistband and pushed out the front door. Anger and disappointment were warring for control of my emotions, but I couldn’t let myself give in to either.
There was only one option. I wanted Becca, wanted her more than I’d ever wanted something before, but I had to get out. I had no other choice.
I started the truck and drove. My mind wandered over the events of the last few days,