Risking the Shot (Stick Side #4) - Amy Aislin Page 0,84
wrenched from his throat, had echoed in his mind, playing on a loop. The expression on Dakota’s face had been a mix of awe, devastation, and frank vulnerability, and what was Tay supposed to do with that?
Dakota was fucking brave for not letting his insecurities get the best of him.
And then he’d asked Tay to stay the night with him and Andy. Straightening out of his slump, sun streaming through the windshield, Tay smiled.
He went to call Dakota but found a new text from Calder. Got any plans for Dakota’s birthday?
Tay froze, panic squeezing his chest. No!! Seeing as I don’t know when his birthday is!!
Calder: Relax. April 12.
Oh, thank God. It was still almost a month away.
Tay: Can you keep him occupied for a couple of hours that afternoon? Take him out? Maybe.
Calder: Maybe?
Tay: I have an idea but I won’t know if I can pull it off until I know whether or not we make the playoffs and I get the game schedule.
Calder: Okay. And you need him to be out of the house?
Tay: Yup. And I need access to his house. And also Andy.
Tay: Never mind, I’ll talk to Dakota about it.
Clearing the rest of his notifications, he got out of the car, went back into the building, and found his instructor in their regular classroom, sitting behind the wide counter at the front of the room, a stack of papers in front of him. Tay knocked on the doorjamb.
“Taylor.” Professor Lai waved him in. “What can I do for you?”
“It’s just Tay,” he said automatically, sitting on a stool on the other side of the counter. “Listen, I know I’m basically failing the practicals—”
“What makes you think that?” Lai peered at him over his rimless glasses.
Tay rubbed his hands over his thighs. “I keep choking.”
“Not from where I’m sitting.”
“I—Oh.” At a loss as to what to do with that, he stared at the professor.
Lai stared back, patiently waiting for Tay to tell him why he was there.
Clearing his throat, Tay shifted on the stool. “I’ve realized, lately, that being a paramedic isn’t for me. I’m not sure I’ll be continuing after this year.” One shoulder twitched in a half-hearted shrug. “I just wanted you to know.”
“I appreciate the heads-up. The others weren’t so considerate.”
“Others?”
“You’re not the first, nor will you be the last, to drop out.”
Drop out. Ugh. Tay scratched his eyebrow to hide a wince. “I didn’t realize there were more.”
“Every cohort sees its share. There’s no shame in it. Paramedicine isn’t for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s better to realize it now than after four years of hard study, wouldn’t you say?”
“Right.” Tay stared at the countertop, drumming a finger on his knee. He supposed it was a good thing. Wouldn’t it have been better to realize that earlier on, though? Sighing, he stood and tossed Lai a flat smile.
“I almost quit too, once upon a time.”
Tay fell back onto the stool. “You did?”
“My first ever ambulance ride-along was to the home of a teenager who’d committed suicide,” Lai said. He removed his glasses and gestured at Tay with them. “I was left to sit with the boy’s father—a single parent—in the living room while the senior paramedics looked after the boy. It is singularly the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life. And trying to console a grieving father when I was in my early twenties and had virtually no responsibilities? I was convinced I wasn’t cut out for it.”
“What made you stay?”
“The advice of a senior paramedic who told me that not every day was like that. And he was right.” Lai slid his glasses back on his nose. “The percentage of life-threatening or soul-crushing calls is very, very small. But I don’t think that will convince you to stick with it.”
Maybe in another life it would’ve. It should’ve been reassuring. If anything, it cemented his decision. “It won’t.”
“Like I said, that’s okay.” Lai’s smile was the most patient Tay had ever seen it. “It’s like being two years into a psychology or journalism or business degree and realizing it isn’t for you. This is the same thing.”
Huh. When he looked at it that way, it didn’t seem so bad. He wasn’t the first university student to change directions or reevaluate. As Lai had said, he wouldn’t be the last either.
“Thank you.” Tay stood and held out his hand. “I was feeling pretty shitty about this. The talk helped.”