“No.” A softly admitted truth. “And I’m wondering why it doesn’t. Shouldn’t it, Mary Kate, considering the things I’ve seen, that I’ve learned about myself, that I take for granted when I should run screaming in the other direction?”
Mary Kate chuckled, blue eyes brightening with pride. “You’ve never run from anything in your entire life. I so envied that about you. You never second guessed, just jumped in to do what was right.”
Cee Cee shook her head, wishing she could be so certain. “Right for me. When did it stop being for the greater good?”
“Probably when you found out there was no such thing. There’s only the best you can do to protect those you love and those who deserve better. That’s all any of us can do. And we can do it without a badge, without a crucifix, without guilt.”
Cee Cee bolted upright, wide eyes seeing clearly. “You’ve decided. You’re leaving the Church.” That altered state of being sent her moral compass spinning.
A slightly sad smile. “Just the institution, not the beliefs or the works. I started the process yesterday. I can’t be true to things I stand for unless I accept the things I am.”
“Wow,” was all she could think to whisper.
“Don’t be disappointed.” Features puckering, Mary Kate snatched up the coffee-free hand to confess, “I’ve always been the weak one when you’ve been so strong. I hid inside the strength of religion because I couldn’t face what happened to us, not like you did.”
If she expected to be shamed or comforted, Cee Cee quickly schooled her. “Bullshit. I was out on the streets hiding my fear under a crap ton of anger. You rebuilt your strength through others, for others, those who understood what it was like to be helpless and alone. We’ve both done the best we could to rise above what was done to us. We did it by not letting it beat us, by defending those who can’t defend themselves. You had God, I had Max Savoie.” She couldn’t miss the way that comparison had her friend rearing back as if shocked by a truth they’d both recognized. “Neither of us could have done it alone, and neither of us could stand by and do nothing.”
Mary Kate blinked, skepticism slowly maturing into a future-altering revelation about her world and her place in it as Cee Cee continued.
“We aren’t victims, M.K. We fight for them until they can fight for themselves. I think that makes us pretty damned awesome, don’t you?”
A slow, spreading smile. “Yes, we are.”
“So, what are we going to do about it?”
“Stop whining and start living for ourselves as well as for others?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Mary Kate smiled, a hopeful dazzle returning to her bright blue eyes. Cee Cee hadn’t seen it there since they’d been teens walking home from a basketball game. The resurgence prompted her to suggest, “We should go out to dinner, the four of us.”
“In public?”
Amused by her shock, Cee Cee drawled, “That’s what couples do. At least I think so. Max and I have hardly seen each other lately, so I’m not sure we’d remember how they behave.”
Mary Kate pounced, eager to turn the conversation from her own backyard. “Oh? Since when?”
“Something always seems to come up between us.”
Frowning at that vague response, Mary Kate coaxed, “Something like that very domestic baby bump?”
She hadn’t wanted to think so, but when Mary Kate put it out there, it seemed as obvious as her ripening condition. “Things are different now,” she admitted quietly.
“Of course, they are. They should be. In a good way.” But as dampness welled in her friend’s dark eyes, she added, “Or aren’t they? Because of your job? Does he want you to quit?”
“We’re still dancing around the issue. My job, his job, this city . . . there aren’t any safe options. This is a terrible time to bring a defenseless new life into an ugly, dangerous world.” She choked off words she could never take back once spoken as Mary Kate reflected upon the impact of them. Trying to deflect her guilt and shame, Cee Cee sighed, “These are brutal times, and they aren’t going to get any better. I don’t want Max to become my father or Colin Terriot.”
“Your father didn’t choose to leave you, and Colin is fine. I don’t understand—”
“Colin is not fine. Everything that mattered to him was ripped away because of the lives we’re living. The woman he loved died with their unborn child! Probably because they came