The Ringmaster (Harrow Faire #4) - Kathryn Ann Kingsley Page 0,18

get to explain everything else to you.”

“How did he find me?” She really didn’t want to be found. She really didn’t want to talk to Simon right now.

“Your link. He still feels your pain.” He sniffed.

“This is his goddamn fault this time.” She pulled her knees up and folded her arms over them. A thought occurred to her. “Were you trying to cheer me up?”

“I wasn’t. But if I did, you’re welcome.” He stood, brushed himself off, and walked away in the opposite direction from Simon’s voice. “We still have a lot of work to do, you and I. We’re only just beginning.”

“Color me excited,” she replied flatly. “This is my excited face. Can’t you tell?”

Clown laughed as he disappeared into the woods and was gone.

She stayed where she was…and waited.

It didn’t take long for Simon to arrive, stopping some ten feet away from her. He was fully dressed—which was a bit of a shame, since watching him walk around the woods in his underwear would at least have been funny. His shadow loomed tall on the tree beside him, fretting and clearly furious at Simon. “Cora…I thought you were hurt. Didn’t you hear me shouting?”

“I did.”

“You didn’t answer.”

She kept her voice flat. She was done showing her pain for the night, if she could help it. “I didn’t want to.”

He cringed and swiped a hand over his mouth. Anger crossed his expression, battled with something else, and faded to something muddled and unreadable. He turned to walk away.

“Wait.”

He paused.

“Just answer me this, Simon—did you mean what you said?”

His hands at his sides clenched into fists so hard they shook before he let them go. His shoulders slumped away from his ears, and he hung his head. His voice was little more than a whisper. “I don’t know.”

“I know you want to mean them.” She pushed up from the ground and brushed off her pajama pants. There were bits of sticks and pine needles stuck to them, but she didn’t much care. “I know you want to feel nothing for me. And I understand why. And if you prefer it to be that way—fine. But I can’t. I can’t pretend, and I won’t.”

He took off his glasses and rubbed his hand over his face slowly, then slipped it back through his hair before slowly replacing his mismatched sunglasses on his face. “Then is this the end for us?”

It felt like there was a knife digging into her kidney. “Do you want it to be?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know!” He rounded on the tree next to him, slamming his fists into the craggy bark surface. Again, and again, he punched the tree in rage. There was crimson staining his hand and the tree in equal measure.

She let him do his thing and resisted the urge to go to his side and force him to stop. He needed to do this. Eventually, after what seemed like forever, he wound down and collapsed to the ground on his knees. He looked down at his bloody fists and curled over on himself.

It was only then that she realized he was crying.

“I don’t want to be like this, Cora…”

She walked up to him and sank down on her knees beside him. Reaching out, she carefully put her hand on his back.

He dug his hand into his chest, like he was trying to rip out his own heart. Wailing, he doubled over farther. Slowly, gently, she pulled his hand away, tugging on his wrist, until he fell into her lap.

His voice was a whisper, haggard and broken. “I said the words I wish were true. Forgive me…”

Leaning down, she kissed his temple. “You don’t want to care about me, but you do.”

“And I think it’s killing me.”

That was a bit melodramatic, but she held back her chuckle. Instead, she combed her fingers through his dark hair. “We can end this if you want to. If you need to.”

“No. No—please.” He sought her hand and laced his fingers through hers, clutching it tight to his chest. It smeared his blood on her. “Don’t leave me. Please—don’t go.”

There, in the tower of his nightmare, she had heard him screaming for help. She had heard him pleading with her not to leave him. And now, he was doing it in the nightmare of his reality. She kissed his temple again. “I’m here, Simon. I’m here.”

It wasn’t that she forgave him. She didn’t. But she understood all the same. There was no way she could abandon him like this. Running