burn. And Maren would be caught in the crossfire once again. She would’ve ruined so many lives.” Jeno shoved his hands through his dark hair and pulled at the inky strands. He was ashen and looked close to throwing up. “I’m so sorry, Salinger.” He inhaled a sharp breath that could be heard across the room. He lowered his head, and I realized he was fighting back tears. “I reacted without thinking. I never believed my mom had it in for you as bad as you said. It’s hard to trust what you say because you used to lie about everything. I’m supposed to be helping you get better, and I almost hurt you worse than you ever hurt yourself.”
I shared a look with Maren before getting up and walking across the messy condo so I could stand in front of my distraught brother. I put a hand on the top of his head and let out a long, slow breath.
“Jeno,” There was so much to say, it was hard to sort it all out. “You didn’t do anything. None of this has anything to do with you. I wouldn’t have anything if it wasn’t for you. I might not even be here right now if you hadn’t fought so hard for me. I asked too much of you when you’re really just a kid. It isn’t your job to be responsible for me. I should be the one taking care of you. I’m your big brother.”
His wide shoulder shook slightly, and Maren got up and quietly walked out of the room, giving us privacy and space. She really was the best, and once I had things sorted with Jeno, I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about her and let her know I couldn’t do casual anymore. I needed to know she wasn’t going to walk away from me, and I needed her to know I wasn’t going to give her a reason to doubt me. I would never take the fact that she trusted me for granted. That was almost as good as her loving me.
“I should’ve listened. When you told me my mom was up to no good, and before I accused you of using again. I was just so angry when I saw those packets. You almost died, Salinger. I can’t watch you destroy yourself again. Not without destroying myself.” There was no more hiding the fact that he was upset enough to cry. His big shoulders shook, and he wouldn’t lift his head. I pulled him up and into a hug.
I pounded on his broad back with a hand while looking up at the ceiling. I felt a bit teary myself, but for once, I needed to be the one who held it together for the both of us. “You’re worried about me. You’re worried about your mom. The truth is, you should be worrying about yourself. I know I talked you into starting this production company with me, and you agreed because you didn’t want me getting in over my head when I was fresh out of rehab… and your mom is pressuring from the other side to go to school, but do you even know what it is you want to do, Jeno? You’ve been so busy watching out for me and trying to appease her, I don’t think you’ve lived your own life in years. Your mom and I are adults. We’re accountable for our actions, or at least we should be. I think you need to take a break, get away from everything and everyone for a minute, and get some perspective. I’m not going to fall apart on you. And your mom?” I shook my head. “She needs more help than you can give her. She’s not only ruining your life, but she’s making the kind of choices that will ruin hers.”
Jeno pulled away and rubbed the heels of his palms hard into his eyes. When our gazes locked, his eyes were watery and red-rimmed. He sighed, and I could feel the weight of it. “What are you going to do about my mom?” I hated how scared he sounded. It annoyed me to no end; he was still ready to put her well-being before his own.
He was a good son.
A good brother.
And the best friend I could ask for.
I couldn’t let him end up like me. I cleared my throat and shrugged. “I’m going to talk to her. I’m going to let her know she needs