I wanted so much more from her, and eventually, she was going to have to stop pretending like she couldn’t see it every time she looked at me and caught me watching her like she was the only person in the world I could see.
Maren
IT WAS PLAYING with fire to invite Salinger over in the middle of the night.
I knew that, but I couldn’t help myself after he told me he was never okay. I understood the sentiment of constantly feeling like you had to put on an act to appear like you had it together, when on the inside, you really felt like a million little needles were poking at your most soft and tender spots. It was exhausting to constantly try and fool others into thinking you had it all together. It was even more tiring to trick yourself into believing it when you were bleeding from a hundred invisible wounds. The last thing I wanted was for Salinger to fall off the wagon. A lot of time and money would be wasted if he started to backslide right now.
But if I was honest with myself, I was more worried about him on a personal level than I was about what would be lost financially if he slipped.
I gave him instructions to enter through the garage that sat below my big house. There was no guarantee that the lingering paparazzi wouldn’t see him, but hopefully it was late enough and dark enough that it would be impossible to get a clear picture of Salinger showing up at my place in the middle of the night.
There was a knock on the interior door leading to the garage, and I moved quickly down the stairs to let him in. I’d given him the code to punch into the garage, but I wasn’t reckless enough to hand over one that would allow him access to my actual home. I felt that if I allowed him free reign, it would be impossible to get rid of him. And rather than feel suffocated by the thought of Salinger all up in my personal space, I rather liked the idea of bumping into him every time I turned around. He was warm and big, and always kind of hyper and excitable. It was like having an overgrown puppy constantly looking for attention. But occasionally, his dark eyes flashed with something dangerous, and he let slip the kind of scathing sarcasm that could easily deflate an ego, and I was reminded that even puppies had teeth and knew how to bite.
I pulled the door open and let out a small gasp of surprise. There was a tall shadow looming on the other side. Salinger was dressed head to toe in black. He had on a ball cap, and it was pulled low on his forehead, obstructing his face. He was wearing an oversized hoodie with the hood pulled up over the hat, further making him an indistinguishable shadow against the others in the garage.
I waved a hand hurriedly and pulled the door open wider for him to step inside. “Get in here. You look like you’re about to rob the place. Let’s hope the neighbors didn’t call the cops if they saw you lurking around.” I was only joking, but he stiffened and didn’t move from his position on the other side of the threshold. Frowning, I crooked a finger at him. “What are you doing? Get in here.”
“Before you let me in, there are a couple things you should know.” His deep voice rumbled with a kind of warning that was hard to ignore. I lifted my eyebrows at him and motioned for him to continue. “If you let me inside right now, I’m going to kiss you. I’m going to touch you. I’m going to do everything in my power to convince you that it’s a good idea to fuck me and to let me fuck you. I don’t want to talk. I didn’t drive all the way down here in the middle of the night for conversation. So, it’s okay if you want to send me back home. It’s all right to turn me away. You said all men do is lie, and I want to prove you wrong. The truth is, I want to have sex with you. That’s why I’m here.” He lifted his head slightly so I could see his eyes under the brim of his hat. “If you want full honesty, I’ve wanted to sleep with you for