when I went through the miscarriage. Much like I refused to leave him alone the last few weeks, he’d stuck close to my side for over a month when my life and mental state were in shambles.
“That sounds like a good plan. As for getting back to work, I told you, I haven’t found anything that has caught my interest. Lennon keeps sending stuff for me to look over, but it’s,” I shrugged, “blah.”
He made his way over to his favorite leather recliner and sat down carefully. I was used to him moving around like a clumsy giant, so to see him be so careful and delicate, I knew he was still hurting. It was really hard to see the man whom I always viewed as indestructible be so fragile. If I thought for a second he would let me, I would offer to quit working right this minute and move home to take care of him. But I knew there was no way he would let me walk away from my career after I’d worked so hard to revive it from the dead.
“Didn’t you tell me there was a script you liked but you weren’t going to do anything with it since you didn’t like the production team?” He reached for his glass of iced tea and closed his eyes as he leaned back in the weathered chair.
I’d told him about the script when I thought he was sleeping after his surgery. I was just rambling because I was nervous and I didn’t have anything else to say. I blurted out the whole story about the script and being tricked by Lennon and Salinger. I even told him that Salinger made sure I got to the hospital in one piece because I was a mess. I had no idea my dad was conscious enough to take in any of what I said.
“Remember the kid who got me kicked off the very first show I got cast in when things really felt like they were taking off for me career-wise?” I watched as he nodded a little sleepily. “He wrote the script. He actually told me he wrote the main lead with me in mind, but there is no way I can work with him again after everything that happened. Plus, he’s been in and out of trouble since then. No way I have any faith he’s cleaned up his act enough to head a project like this.”
The ice in my dad’s glass clinked together as he shifted and peeled open an eye to look at me. “Why are you still putting all the blame on a sixteen-year-old? What happened back then was absolutely awful, but what about that agent who ripped you off? He never even tried to change the outcome. And the producers? They made the final call to get rid of you, but didn’t you work with the same company on another movie not that long ago? You’re smart enough to know that a child isn’t the one who should be held accountable for what went down back then. There were a lot of adults who actively had a hand in screwing you over, but you had no trouble burying the hatchet with them.”
I felt my jaw drop as I blinked at my old man in silent shock. I couldn’t believe he remembered all those details. He always acted so disinterested and bored when I talked to him about my career. I always felt like he wanted to make sure I knew that he still didn’t approve of my choice to become an actress, even though I’d been in the industry for my entire adult life at this point.
“I can’t believe you know all of that. I always thought you weren’t paying attention when I talked to you about my work.”
His other eye snapped open, and he suddenly sat up straight in the chair, making it creak in protest. “Of course I pay attention. I may not understand half of what you say to me, but if it is important to you, then it is important to me. I just can’t offer much helpful insight because your world is totally foreign to me. I just have to hope I raised you to make the right choices with or without me.”
I was stunned. I always took his silence to heart and thought he was disappointed in me. I had no idea he was just supporting me in his own way. In the only way he knew how.