going to get even the smallest piece of my sanctuary when I needed it most.
For the last few weeks, I’d been holed up here reading through different scripts and project proposals. There’d been a flood of them for consideration when Lennon put out the signal that I was ready to get back to work. There was everything from television shows to big blockbuster movies. There was an offer to host a talk show and more than one variety program proposal. There was a little bit of everything, but none of it was catching my attention or felt like the right fit for my life at the moment. I wanted something that reached deep and gave me an outlet for all the tumultuous emotions I’d been wading through for the last few years. I wanted to sink my teeth into something impactful and show how I’d grown as an actress, and as a woman, over the years.
I sighed and reached for the tablet when my email pinged. I wasn’t surprised to see it was another script, but I was surprised that Lennon sent it through without the usual rundown of who it was written by and a general overview of what it was about. We’d worked together for so long, I could often tell if I would be interested before reading the first page just because of Lennon’s brief. Sending me something blind wasn’t unheard of, but when I texted her to ask who wrote it, and she responded that she wouldn’t answer any questions until I read it, I got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
However, her mission to pique my curiosity was successful. I told myself I would read the first few pages while I finished breakfast just to humor her. I had no idea what Lennon was trying to pull, but this wasn’t the first time she’d used some sneaky tactics to try and get me to be more open-minded about my options.
I settled in with my iPad and a cup of coffee, fully expecting to blow through the lines in a couple of minutes. The next thing I knew, it was past lunchtime, and I had to get up because my ass had fallen asleep. I’d been so riveted by the words on the page, I’d lost track of time and let my whole day slip away. I went inside to use the bathroom, planning to take a shower and return the plethora of calls I’d missed while I was fully engrossed in someone else’s words, but I couldn’t stop myself from picking the tablet back up and reading the rest of the script.
The sun was setting by the time I was done. My stomach was growling, and my face was damp from tears that wouldn’t stop falling. I was exhausted and excited at the same time. My chest felt tight, and my heart felt full. I swore there wasn’t an emotion I hadn’t felt by the time I was done reading through the words that went blurry at the end because I couldn’t stop crying. It wasn’t the best writing, but I could feel the stark, stripped emotion in every single word. It was a story that was achingly relatable and a harsh reality for so many. It was about love, loss, and addiction. It was about the rise and fall of the human soul, and every sentence bled bare honesty about how hard it was to be both human and humane.
I was moved.
I was emotionally invested.
I felt the story resonate through my bones, and I could clearly imagine how impactful it would be to see every scene play out in painful detail on the big screen. The script had an independent movie vibe, but packed big-budget emotions and drama. Even if I didn’t attach myself to the project, I wanted to make sure the story was brought to life. There was a lot of darkness on those pages that needed to see the light.
I finally dragged myself to the shower and took the time to make something to eat. I answered a few urgent texts and a couple of emails while I munched my way through a salad topped with a grilled chicken breast. I felt like I needed to catch my breath and calm down. It’d been so long since I could see bits and pieces of my real self in a character; I was a little bit shaken.
Once I cleaned up the kitchen, I called Lennon. She answered right away,