of my characters do. I appreciate all the challenges I have to face on this miraculous journey.
And just a little aside because I keep seeing it pop up in both reviews and reader conversations: this story is set pre-COVID but keeps pace with reality.
When I was writing, it was super weird to have big events on the page and scenes set in restaurants and bars since that hasn’t been our reality for so long. Especially since most of this book takes place in California. But the story does move us into modern times, very briefly, so I tried to be respectful of that without going overboard.
I hope this book helps you escape the same way it helped me. I hope you can breathe a little easier for a few hours while reading it.
Also, a huge shout out to my awesome reader group, The Crowd, who encouraged me to follow my muse when I asked for feedback on switching stories mid-creative stream. I wouldn’t have jumped into this without your support.
Stay safe out there, folks.
Xoxo,
Jay
Maren - Ten years ago
“WHAT DO YOU mean they're going in a different direction?”
I stared at my agent like he’d suddenly started speaking a foreign language. In the five years since I’d signed with him and his agency, he’d taken on not only the role of agent, but also one as a surrogate father. He’d discovered me when I was a no-name-nineteen-year-old, fresh off the plane from rural New Mexico. I dropped out of college and decided to chase my dreams in big bad Hollywood, expecting nothing, but hoping for the best. The man seated across from me was a huge part of making those dreams come true. I trusted him with my career and my best interests but, at the moment, he was giving me the kind of news that felt like it might preface the end of the world with little sympathy. The expression on his face was stony and cold, far from his usual smile and encouraging words that he typically lavished upon me during our meetings.
“Since your contract is coming up for renegotiation, they’ve decided to write you off the show.” He said the words bluntly and narrowed his eyes in what appeared to be anger. “Everyone from the top down has agreed there is no more room for your character to grow. You’re dragging the show down, Maren. The ratings have been on a steady decline for the last six months. Advertisers have noticed the change.”
I put a hand to my chest where my heart was pounding furiously. I swallowed hard, trying to keep the rising panic at bay. “But I’ve been the main character for four years.” I honestly carried the entire show, but now didn’t seem like the time to point that out to him. “How can they let me go just like that?”
It felt like a betrayal. I was about to lose everything I’d been so fortunate to have handed to me as an untried and unknown actress all those years ago. I’d worked hard, constantly put my best foot forward, and became synonymous with the character I played. She was a bit naïve, slightly simple, and totally kindhearted. She was constantly in the middle of the villain’s evil machinations and often ended up the punching bag of the plotline. I had the same innocent, pushover image. I was the girl-next-door for most of America. I was their daughter. Their forever little sister. Their forever best friend. It didn’t make any sense that the world was suddenly sick of me.
While I liked to believe I was a decent, giving person in real life, there was no way I could ever live up to the expectations set by the beloved character who had defined my early twenties. I wasn’t as nice or as guileless as the girl I played on TV. But I made sure I presented myself in a way that wouldn’t conflict with the me everyone thought they knew. I couldn’t figure out what changed until my agent flatly told me, “In the future, you might want to make more of an effort to get along with your co-stars. You’d be surprised how far and wide the ramifications of creating a hostile work environment reach.”
I balked and wilted back in my seat.
He said things had been going downhill for six months. That was about the time he showed up on set. I should’ve known that anything bad happening in my life—and my career—was tied directly to him.