sign that maybe today is a good day to job hunt. I have about two months’ worth of money saved up, but two months will go by in the blink of an eye.
Opening my Mac Air, I begin to search recruiting websites. I’m into it for a good ten minutes before I once again begin to lose concentration. What the hell? I’m jittery and antsy and I’m going to get nothing done until I take a good look as to why I’m suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
The question hits me in the chest like a bullet.
Why hadn’t he taken me with him?
I’ve gone with him to see Emily this entire past week. Did he think I’d get in the way?
My concern should be with Emily and what happened, and it is. But selfishly I also feel burned, slighted that I’m not important enough to be a part of her healing process. Yet another thing he’s keeping me separated from.
I’m startled out of my depressing thoughts by a knock at my door. Cautiously, I look through the peephole and I freeze, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, my blood boiling. My hands shake as they rest on the doorknob. This is not what I need right now. I’m not sure if I should open the door or leave him standing outside, but I have no doubt that he won’t go away easily. And Damian coming home to find Matt outside my front door is going to be cause for murder.
Taking a long, deep breath, I slowly open the door.
“Matt,” I sigh, “I don’t remember you ever being this persistent.”
He smiles. “I never had to be before. You kind of loved me at first sight and never let go.”
I have to concede at his accurate account of our relationship.
“Why are you here?”
He walks past me, not waiting for an invite.
“Addy,” His hand is over his heart, his words deliberate and intent. “I know you’re still hurt and I don’t blame you. Sorry doesn’t begin to cover how wrong it was of me to leave you.”
“Matt, I forgive you. But that doesn’t give you the right to barge in here whenever you see fit. Boundaries, Matt. We need some boundaries.”
“I never stopped loving you, Addison, never once.”
“Matt, you got married.”
“Biggest mistake of my life.”
“I don’t plan on being your second biggest mistake.”
He takes a step forward. “You spent two hours with me after you got fired, Addison. Not him, me. Doesn’t that tell you anything?”
He’s right. When I bumped into him that afternoon, a feeling of relief washed through my body. That someone who once loved me was there to help and listen to my side of the story. That maybe I wasn’t as alone as I’d thought in that moment. But in reality, that emotion was only a recognition of a first love, a remembrance of a feeling that was once so vibrant in my life. And yes, if he hadn’t taken off and left me, if so much time hadn’t passed between us, he could have quite possibly been my forever as well, but that’s not how our lives played out.
I begin to shake my head, but he takes a step towards me, and grabs my left hand. “Addison, I’m not the same person who left you five years ago.”
“That’s the problem, Matt. I don’t know who you are anymore. The Matt I loved would never have gotten married for money or a business deal. He never would have cheated on his wife. And if the old Matt were standing right here in front of me, I’d never be able to tell him to leave. Because I loved that Matt, would have done anything for him.”
Stroking his thumb along the back of my hand, he says, “That person’s still a part of me Addison. But I’ve grown up over the past five years, and when I see something I want, I take it. I wanted success, I wanted prestige and I now want you. You’re the only missing piece of my life and nothing will feel complete until I have you in it.”
My palms are starting to sweat and a queasy dread works its way through my gut. “Matt, I’ve already opened my heart to someone else.” I want to pull back, but he curls his hand around my fingers and holds on a little tighter. “You’ve given me closure, something I’ve craved since you left.”
He runs his other hand through his perfect brown hair and points his