at my advances and walk past her, into my kitchen and begin to make us both some coffee, it’s going to be a long night.
“Are you going to answer me?” Her voice is trembling and it’s painstaking to watch her fumble for something to hold on to, some tether that’s going to make this conversation all right.
“No.”
She turns, her lips pursed in anger, her eyes wide in disbelief. “No? Why not?”
Pulling two black mugs from my cabinet, I set them on the counter and lower my head. “Because it’s not my story to tell.”
Quickly advancing on me, she’s right in front of my face. “Well whose story is it, because I got fired today standing up for you, and I want to know if I made the biggest mistake of my life!”
Shit. I drop my head in complete and total helplessness. I’ve kept Megan’s story for six years, protected her identity—protected her daughter. Spilling it now feels wrong, but losing Addison, not trusting her, feels even worse.
“It’s Megan’s story. Emily’s mom.”
“You knew her?” Addison’s voice cracks, and her eyes fill with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew Emily’s mom?”
“Addison, I can’t tell you anything about Megan Jones.”
“Why not?” She’s looking at me with such distrust and I know, my heart’s about to break.
“You loved her, didn’t you?” She whispers it, a slight fear evident in her voice.
I take a deep breath and back away from her. “Yes. But not the way you think.”
Addison scrunches up her eyes in confusion. “Tell me who she was. I need to know.”
Shaking my head, I don’t respond.
“Damian! Why won’t you tell me?”
“I don’t want him to know I exist. He can’t know anything about me.”
“Okay. I promise I won’t tell him.”
“Ever.” She repeats.
I laugh at her childlike need for me to promise this. Placing my hand over my heart, I look her in the eyes. “I promise Megan Jones, I will never tell anyone that you existed. You will be my little secret.”
I can’t give her the answer she wants so I shrug instead, refusing to meet her eyes.
“Answer me dammit.”
“Fuck, Addison, can’t you just leave it alone? Why do you have to know everything about me?”
Her eyes widen in shock and her mouth slightly parts, a horrified expression on her face.
“Because that’s what couples do, Damian! They learn all the raw pieces, ugly, beautiful or boring, they get all the jagged parts to their partner’s heart so they can see if their uneven pieces line up. And right now, I’m thinking ours are miles apart.”
She turns and storms off towards the front door. “So what, you’re going to leave? Just walk out on us because I won’t divulge someone else’s secrets?”
Pointing a finger in my chest, her face tensed tight and her nostrils slightly flaring, she jabs at me. “It’s your secret too! You’re part of that story and you know it. You were the one with the commitment requirement; you were the one who wanted more than a casual fling. And I fell for it. I fell for all of it. You know everything about me. I was fired today for you. I deserve to know everything about you too. You owe me that!”
I throw my arms out to the sides so fucking mad we’re having this conversation right now. “I owe you every detail of my past? Are you shitting me? Addison, I owe you a future, I owe you a right here and now. I don’t owe you shit where my past is concerned. It doesn’t have anything to do with you and me or what we are to each other.”
Her hands are on her hips, and her mind is clearly spinning. She turns and I know I’m about to lose her. My heart stops beating, my body trembles, and I don’t think I can breathe. I can’t lose her, not over this.
“I killed her.” I finally blurt.
Addison stops mid stride and stands as still as an ice sculpture, the only movement, her breaths making her chest move in and out.
“I killed Emily’s mom.”
She looks at me, her face more confused than it was before.
“I was driving the car when it crashed. I’m the reason Emily is an orphan.”
She takes a step closer, her head slightly tilted as she gauges my emotions. “I thought a drunk driver hit your car?”
I nod, but that’s only part of the story. She takes another step in my direction, her body loosening, her arms no longer tense and folded across her stomach.