“I’ve wanted you way before I should have. I despised myself back then, yearning for a girl who was far too young for me, but then—”
“Then?” I prompt when he stops talking.
“But then you turned twenty-one and I ran out of excuses why I needed to stay away.”
“And yet you still held back,” I remind him.
He presses me against the tree, kissing me softly before answering.
“Because it wasn’t just me anymore and the closer we got to you, the more we wanted. But how the fuck could we ask the girl we both want to choose between the two of us, especially when we’ve done nothing but lie to you.”
And just like that, everything stops. I’ve spent so long playing the part of pretending that Kai and Jude are the same person that I forgot when the truth came out, I might be forced to choose between them.
I unwrap my legs from around his waist and let him place me back on my feet, feeling strangely bereft when he steps back.
“I need to call Kai,” he tells me softly.
I nod before sliding down to sit at the base of the tree while he makes the call. He steps away, just far enough that I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I can tell the conversation is less than pleasant by how animated he is when he talks.
Hanging up, he stalks back to me, scrubbing a hand over his face before sitting next to me.
“He wants me to drop you off at the apartment. I need to go and check out Cancer’s division before people get wind of his demise and start destroying shit. I’ll meet you both after I’m finished, okay?”
I nod, continuing to face forward for a moment as I brace myself for what I’m about to say. “I’ve never asked you for a damn thing, but I’m asking for something now.”
He reaches out his hand, so I place mine in his and let him pull me up. I stare up at him as he dips his head, our faces now only inches apart.
“Tell me the truth, just this once, don’t lie to me.” I take a deep breath and blow it out.
He licks his lips as my warm breath skates over his skin.
“Are either of you going to try to kill me?” I ask the question I’ve held back since I found out about their duplicity.
He looks shocked for a moment before the shutters fall over his eyes. “That’s what you think, that I’d hurt you?”
I shrug, ignoring the anger in his voice. “I’d be stupid to deny the possibility, wouldn’t I? After all, how well do I really know you, Jude? Or Kai, for that matter? I’m trying to separate what I feel for you from the likelihood that you’ve killed before to keep this secret. So why not now? Why not me?” I ask him, searching his eyes for answers he will never give me.
“You really have no clue how I feel, do you? Fuck! Okay, one thing at a time. Let’s go back to the apartment and talk. I’ll answer everything I can when I get back, I swear.”
It’s a risk, taking him at his word like this. He’s a skilled liar and a master manipulator. But my want to believe in him outweighs the logical side of my brain that tells me to remain cautious, so I just nod and watch him visibly relax.
He pulls me in for a hug and stands there, holding me tight.
The world around us fades away as a sad kind of calmness washes over me. Everything is about to change. I can feel it as surely as I can feel the cooling wind against my skin. The winds of change have always been unkind to me. Every major event in my life is marred by its cold indifference. I’ve learned to expect it.
People are flawed, and we strive to find that one perfect person who is destined to complete us in some way? I call bullshit. There is no such thing as perfect, not for people like us. And as for love? Well, that’s a commodity none of us are willing to pay the price of having. The only thing that matters is loyalty.
I know all this, believe it wholeheartedly, so why does the thought of losing either of the Reid brothers make me feel like someone has taken a hammer to my heart?
We don’t have a label. I’m not theirs and they aren’t mine,