That Rex Gotta Roar - Julia Mills Page 0,19

at the one and only, pain in the ass, dark side of my usual sunny disposition, I yelled, "Cassandra? What the frackin' Frou Frou? How are you…? I mean, we can't…?" Hand flying from my chest towards her then back again, over and over so fast it was little more than a blur, my mouth just kept runnin', "What do you think…? Well, smack my ass, call me Sassy Sister, and check me into Bailmore Hall, I've done lost what little mind I had left."

"No, you have not," Miss M sighed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as she wrapped her ghostly hand around my arm and hauled me up off the ground like I weighed next to nothing. (It felt good. I'm not too proud to admit that I struggle with my curves havin' curves. So, to be jerked up like I weighed just a little more than a feather was a good moment for my pride. Of course, it was short-lived, but then again, what did I expect?)

"Good Goddess in a hot tub with REO Speedwagon and a keg of beer, are you still thinkin' the worse before you have all the facts, Clementine Cooper? I was sure you would've grown out of that pile of cow patties after all your success. Girl, you need to get a grip. You are a star! An honest-to-the-little-chickens-on-Hollihan's-farm – STAR. People all over the world have seen your pictures."

Opening her eyes so wide only the pop bottle thick lenses of her round, red glasses kept them from hitting the ground, the Ghost of my first grade teacher pointed with both her index fingers – something she always did when one of us got the right answer to an incredibly hard question - and nodded. "When I saw those pictures of the momma Gorilla you took, the ones where she was taking care of her baby. You know, the one of her carrying that young'un around while she was climbing the tree, then sittin' up there and rockin' it to sleep? I couldn't help but think of Christina Chastain and her brood."

“But Christina and her people are Chimps,” I shrugged.

“Chimps, Gorillas, they’re all monkeys to me.”

"Oookkkaaayyy," I drew the word out, trying hard to stop myself from throwing Miss M's words from the past back at her. But it was no use. They were flying out of my big mouth before I could clamp my lips shut. “But when I put that on my test in fourth grade, you marked it wrong. You said that Chimpanzees and Gorillas were different in size and strength and that a monkey is not an ape is not…”

"Okay, Smart Ass," she grumbled. "Do you ever forget anything? I was substituting for Kathleen Klucker while she was sitting on her eggs. I wanted to give you credit, but her notes were specific. If any of y'all kids said that Chimps and Gorillas were the same, I had to mark it wrong."

“Still made me mad.”

“What didn’t make you mad at that age?”

“Not everything…”

"Alright, ladies!" Cassandra yelled at the top of her lungs, doubling up the tips of her wings like they were fists and slamming them into where I imagined her waist would be if Canaries had waists. “Can we please focus! Stay on topic? Maybe, I don’t know, address the big yellow Canary in the middle of the room?”

"But it's not a room," I responded, pursing up my lips, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing right in her face. Pushing my mouth one side like I was trying to kiss somebody around a corner, I went right on teasing, "It's a, well, it's a…" Looking over at Miss M, who was slowly shaking her head and silently chuckling so hard that her Ghostly shoulders were bouncing up and down, I shrugged with the hope that she would explain.

Thank the Goddess and all the little Fairies, she picked up what I was puttin' down.

“It’s what the old gym - the one way before you were a twinkle in your daddy’s eyes, Clementine - at Tallulu Parish Elementary School used to look like,” she finally got out with a wheeze and a snicker.

Tapping her temple with the tip of her index finger, she went on explaining as she switched from shaking her head to noddin' her noggin. "The Powers That Be down here in the Other Way Round, the Big Guys as they are affectionately known to one and all, try to make our