wife, I found there were limits to my endurance. There were times when I wanted to scream the truth and release the frustration that was growing inside me, but I always reminded myself of what I had to lose; and the awareness of the possible consequences kept me silent. I didn't know how much longer I could exist in this state of limbo, feeling threatened and helpless in Alessandro's presence every waking moment.
“I'm going upstairs,” I blurted out quietly, needing a break from him.
He smiled in that serious knowing way, but didn't insist I offer an explanation. Instead, he said softly, “Please, don't let me deter you any longer.”
I held his burning gaze for a short moment, then got out of bed and simply walked away. As I showered and dressed, all I could think about was how much worse the situation had gotten with each passing day. The more strength Alessandro regained, the more he resembled his old, cunning self. It was only natural he would want to reassume being intimate, but I was quite certain my fragile mind couldn't handle it.
After years of having to submit to his every demand, I had taken desperate measures to never let it happen again only to find myself right back at square one; trapped and completely at his mercy. In an ideal world, I would never be forced to endure his touch again, but I wasn't stupid nor did I live in fairytales. Intimacy would be inevitable, but I needed time to make my peace with it. The realization frightened me because time and understanding was something my husband had never been willing to give. I didn't know how I was going to convince him, but I was certain of one thing; If Alessandro claimed my body against my will, I would die from it.
***
When I strode inside the dining room, breakfast had already been served and Alessandro sat at the head of the table, waiting for me to join him. His eyes sprang to mine, and he smiled lightly, acting as if this morning's events had already been forgotten.
“I'm glad you've finally made it, cara,” he said in a teasing manner. “I was beginning to starve.”
I offered a brief smile instead of a reply, and took the seat on his left. Only then, did I notice he was still in his dark blue pajamas with his black bathrobe awkwardly spread over his shoulders. I had been so quick to leave his room that I simply forgot he needed assistance with getting dressed. For some reason, he hadn't asked for my help like usual.
“Coffee?” he offered softly, that smile still glued to his face.
“Yes, please.” I watched in wonder as he took hold of the large pot on the table and filled my mug. This wasn't the first time he had done this, but his unusual behavior managed to catch me by surprise every single time.
I snatched one chocolate-filled croissant from the plate in front of me and took a bite while Alessandro poured himself some coffee as well.
“I have excellent news, cara.” His enthusiastic voice got my attention and I glanced at him. “Dr. Lambert called this morning and told me the x-ray photo's look great. They are ready to remove my cast.”
Breath froze in my throat and I choked on the piece of croissant in my mouth. Tears filled my eyes, and my face heated as I tried coughing it out. Alessandro stood abruptly and patted my back, encouraging me to spit it out and breathe. At last, I managed to cough out the piece of croissant onto a napkin and take a deep breath.
“Cristo, cara. You gave me a real fright,” Alessandro whispered, and turned my face toward him. “Are you okay?”
He gazed at me, brows knitted together, and lips slightly parted. The worry lines evident on his forehead. I forced a weak smile and cleared my throat. “I'm fine.”
Since my coffee was too hot, Alessandro opted for some fresh orange juice and poured it into a glass before handing it to me. “Here, drink this,” he instructed in a gentle tone.
While I sipped on the juice, Alessandro studied me intently. The refreshing drink soothed my scratchy throat, but did nothing for my consuming thoughts. Once that cast was off, he would no longer be vulnerable. And the little advantage I had over him would be completely gone. I would resume the role of the frightened, submissive wife. And he would revert back to the powerful man I