close behind me, and neither of us moved or spoke for a while. Then, his hand probed underneath my shirt and his fingers slowly brushed along the scars on my back. I didn't stop him. In a weird way, I had grown used to his touch on my back. He had done that almost every night and I had a feeling it turned into an obsession for him; perhaps even both of us. We stared into the distant sea in silence, and I slowly relaxed under Alessandro's caresses.
“I know they still hurt you. I wish I could erase them,” he declared in a heavy voice. “Olivia, I can't put into words how sorry I am for putting you through that kind of pain.”
I appreciated his repeated gestures, but didn't need the apology anymore. Besides, his remorse stemmed from the fact he couldn't remember. Once he knew the real reasons behind those scars, he wouldn't be as sorry for putting them there. He had said so that night when he offered to return the ring. In his opinion, I deserved them… “You've already said that...several times,” I reminded him.
“I don't think I can say it enough. There will be no more punishments,” he promised with traces of earnest regret.
“Then, how are you going to handle my disobedience?” I challenged, grateful he couldn’t see my cocked brow. Otherwise he might be reminded of my defiance.
“I have no idea...but certainly not like this.” It sounded like an iron-cast promise. “I might just have to do the opposite and smother you with affection every time you do something dangerous.”
He was reassuring and playful, but I didn't take his words as lightly as he had probably intended. “I don't want to have to obey you, Alessandro,” I said quietly.
“Then don't,” he retorted simply. “I don't care. Do whatever the hell you want...just stay.”
“Alessandro, I mean it. I can't go back to living the life I've lived for the past five years,” I mumbled with slight apprehension.
He quieted as though lost in thought. I didn't think he would say anything more, but suddenly he spoke again.
“I don't expect you to, cara,” he muttered, kissing the top of my head. “We talked about this on the plane. You have nothing to fear. I’m going to keep my promise. I’m going to give you as much independence as I possibly can.”
“And why now...after all these years? What has changed?” I couldn't help but ask.
“I think I’ve changed, in a sense.” I didn’t have to look at him to see the quizzical look on his face, I could hear it in his tone. “I don't want to be the man that I used to be. I don't want to treat you with cruelty. I want you to be happy. You deserve it.”
“What about your own happiness? Isn't that important as well?” I inquired, gazing into the dark distance.
“Of course it is. One doesn't exclude the other,” he said as though he truly believed it.
“But we want different things in life...” I pointed out.
He shrugged. “How so? We both want this baby, don't we, cara?”
“Yes, we do,” I confirmed without hesitation. “Right now, that's the only thing holding us together.”
Both of us remained frozen, gazing into the clear moonlight for a few short moments.
“You're wrong, Olivia,” he murmured in my ear. “No matter how fucked up things are right now, we still have this mad attraction for each other.” He slowly ran his fingers down my back and kissed the spot behind my ear. “Can't you feel it? Can't you feel the vibrations in the air every time we look at each other...every time we touch?”
Yes, I could feel it...and it only caused me pain because he always used that feeling to garner a response from me. Even after all these years, the infatuation was still there; like an inextinguishable fire that swallowed and destroyed everything in its path.
“That's just sex,” I breathed in a quiet, emotionless tone.
Alessandro smiled behind me. “And now I know why you're so frightened of intimacy. It makes you lose control, cara, doesn't it?”
A powerful surge of awareness rushed through me, but I pushed it back. “That's not why,” I whispered.
Alessandro laughed softly. “It's okay, bella mia. You make me lose control, too. I feel like a hormone-stricken teenager whenever I'm around you.”
“You don't make me lose control,” I claimed with strong determination.
He took hold of my shoulder and slowly spun me around to face him. The scent of his cologne and the reflection of