in jeopardy. I’m not going to risk another repetition of what happened in that shopping mall.”
I stopped breathing. “That was two years ago. How would you know about that?” Realization swept over me and I was devoured by sudden fear. “You reme....”
“No, cara. You can relax,” he retorted with sarcasm. “Lorenzo told me because I was wondering about Gianluca.”
I looked away in shame, remembering that fatal day. “It was my fault.”
“It wasn't your fault,” he said somewhat harshly. “But I hope it was enough of a lesson for you to realize why certain precautions must always be taken when you’re in public.”
“It was,” I admitted. “I will never forget it.”
“Then you understand I’m not overprotective and controlling for no reason,” he concluded.
I didn't say anything. I wouldn’t approve of his overprotectiveness, no matter how much cause he thought he had. But he was right about the lesson I had learned the hard way. Two years ago, I’d experienced all the dangers and thrills of Alessandro’s world firsthand.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
The Past (2 years prior)
Not only Alessandro never touched me the entire first year after the incident in that hotel, but he acted as though I didn't exist. As the months passed, he had completely alienated himself from me. He was never home. He didn't demand I attend any more dinners with his associates. On rare occasions, when we crossed paths in the hallways, he strolled past me as if I were invisible. I didn't mind his cold demeanor, nor did I miss the dreaded nightly visits, but it was clear Alessandro was still the master and I was his puppet.
Every decision that affected my life had to be overseen by him, and he enjoyed using his power to keep me in check with his cruel mind games. Whenever I wanted to do something to escape the harsh reality he had condemned me to, it was denied to me. I expressed a wish to attend an evening literature class and—already the following day—Henry told me Mr. Damiani had refused to pay for it. I wanted to go to the movies, but his bodyguards ignored my request and simply told me they couldn't take me. I wasn't even allowed to visit the park or take a short walk down the street. The isolation drove me insane and Alessandro knew it. I sensed he wanted me to come crawling and begging for mercy, but I would rather die than humiliate myself after what he had done.
In the beginning, I tortured my mind with thoughts of what my family had gone through because of my reckless decision to play Russian roulette with their lives. The guilt for Trisha's murder ate me alive. I had nightmares about May. She wandered the streets of New York barefoot and alone, holding her favorite teddy bear and crying for help. Eventually, the coping mechanism kicked in, and I suppressed the constant feelings of anxiety in order to preserve my sanity.
But not all memories could be pushed away into some dark forgotten corner of my consciousness. Alessandro's violent beating left my back so scared I couldn't bear to look at it without having a panic attack. At the same time, I couldn't help myself and I would stare at my reflection for hours on end, tormenting myself with the constant reminder that this ugliness on my skin would never go away.
I had no one to talk to or confide in. The only people present were Henry, Alessandro's bodyguards, and the mean Signora Nicolina. I was lonely and lost. Every single day was filled with nothingness. The only distraction I was allowed was shopping. I was certain this outlet had been granted for no other reason than Alessandro's knowledge that I hated it.
Before these rigorous restrictions, I could have counted on one hand the times I had requested to be taken to the shopping mall. Nowadays, I went almost every day. I hardly ever bought anything. It wasn't about the thrill of buying new things. I just needed to get out. This was the only opportunity to leave the suffocating walls of the mansion, so I grasped at it.
Alessandro's bodyguards interchanged so quickly I barely remembered their names before they were gone, but one man was my constant companion. From early on he was appointed to be in charge of my safety, and to keep an eye on my conduct in public. His name was Gianluca Bianchi. Wherever I went, he was always there to accompany me, regardless of how many other