you. I would be providing for you. I provided for Caroline. It would be the same thing.”
“So I would be your wife?” Kit said flatly.
“No—yes.” Henry made an impatient sound. “Oh, I don’t know! I only know that I want you with me—the real you, I mean. Not a pleasure servant. I don’t want to be your master ever again, Kit. Hell, that’s the last thing I want!”
“If you keep me, or provide for me, or whatever you want to call it, I’ll be beholden to you. That’s what money does, Henry. I don’t want that. Never again.”
“But money shouldn’t matter between us,” Henry said. “We don’t even need to think about it.”
“You only say that because you have it,” Kit retorted. “But it does matter. Maybe not to everyone—maybe not to you, Henry. But it matters to me. I had too many years of being kept. I won’t live like that again. When I gave up the game, I promised myself I would never be financially dependent on another man again. I make my own way now.”
“God, Kit—” Henry said, but he didn’t finish the sentence. The fact was, he understood why Kit felt that way, given their history. And in truth, he too would prefer it if money never came between them again. He liked the proud, independent Kit who said whatever he wanted; who was brutally honest with Henry; who demanded things of him—hell, who could make Henry his slave if he wanted to.
Henry didn’t want dominion over Kit. He just wanted to be part of his life.
After a few moments, he said quietly, “It comes to this: I love you. I think I’ve always loved you. When I left you, my heart”—he paused—“I was going to say it broke, but it was more like it shrivelled. It closed in on itself, around the emptiness where you were meant to be. I don’t want to go back to living like that again, Kit. I want another chance with you. Just—tell me you’ll consider it.”
Kit went very still, his gaze tangling with Henry’s. “This is absurd,” he muttered. “To still feel like this—giddy as a boy, after all these years.”
Henry’s laugh was shaky. At least Kit admitted he felt giddy. That was something.
“Love’s not absurd,” he murmured, smiling.
Kit just sighed. “I’m old enough to know better. We both are.” He rubbed at his ear. “And my head aches like the devil.”
A pang of guilt speared Henry. “Hell, I’m sorry,” he said. “I said I’d look after you tonight, and here I am forcing you into a discussion you’re not fit to have. Why don’t you try to sleep now? I’ll be quiet, I promise.”
“I don’t think I can,” Kit admitted wearily.
“You can,” Henry encouraged. “Just close your eyes.” He stilled his own body and began breathing deeply, concentrating on being a calm, steady presence.
At length, Kit relaxed. His breathing slowed and became more regular until finally, he drifted into sleep.
Henry lay and watched him for a long time before he too closed his eyes.
21
Kit
When Kit awoke the next morning, it was to find Henry almost dressed.
“Are you leaving?” he croaked as he sat up, and Henry turned, seeming surprised to find him awake.
“I need to speak to Freddy,” he said. “He’ll probably have questions about last night.”
Kit nodded. The young man undoubtedly would have questions, and they would not be easy ones for Henry to answer—though he did not seem too worried.
As Kit watched Henry tie his cravat, he wondered if Henry remembered his foolish words of the night before. His sweeping declarations of love.
He was probably regretting them now, Kit thought bleakly.
Satisfied with his cravat, Henry adjusted his cuffs then crossed to the bed, perching beside Kit on the mattress. He leaned forward and smoothed Kit’s messy hair back from his brow. “I have not changed my mind about what I want,” he said, smiling gently. “Last night you told me you still love me, and I intend to find a way for us to be together. One we can both be happy with. It may take me a little while to persuade you, but I warn you, I plan to do it.”
Kit just stared at him, astonished.
Henry leaned forward and kissed Kit gently on the mouth, then rose from the bed.
“May I come back later?” he asked. “For supper, perhaps?”
Kit frowned. “Here?”
Henry chuckled. “If you don’t mind. I can come to the club, if you prefer.”
Kit bit his lip. He should not encourage this foolishness.