Resonance of Stars (Greenstone Security #5) - Anne Malcom Page 0,73
baby. Some of it, because I only know some of your past. And even some of it is enough to understand why you’ve lived how you have, why you’ve fucking starved yourself. I get it, but I’m sure as shit not accepting it. It’s time you feasted and I’m gonna be the one to fucking serve you.”
Serve. Me.
My panties were obviously drenched at this point.
I was only human.
I knew he was smart. I knew he was strong. But I didn’t know he could see that deeply, string such substantial stuff together. Put me on a fricking hook and reel me in.
I was squirming now, desperate to get away to preserve the pathetic life I’d led prior to him.
“I used to do porn,” I blurted.
That got him. His face turned blank. Carefully blank. But he didn’t immediately let me go in revulsion as I’d expected. “Excuse me?”
I swallowed. It was easier now, since I didn’t have a single lie left inside me. Well, maybe one and it was a big one, but it was nothing to do with my past and everything to do with the man in front of me.
“When I first moved out of my foster parents’ house, I was poor—ten dollars to my name kind of poor. I had couches to crash on, but welcomes quickly wore out and I was on my way to becoming homeless.”
The past surged forward, the memory of that fear clutching me. I never knew where my next meal would come from, my next shower, where I’d sleep. And that had been better than my entire childhood. At least I was in control then.
“But I was beautiful,” I continued. Even before the cosmetic procedures, I had been pretty. Something my foster mother had hated. She’d been a cheerleader who’d married an asshole and pissed away her future. My beauty had been just another reason for her to treat me like shit. But it was somewhat of a currency in the real world.
“Young, beautiful, and desperate,” I whispered. “The trifecta for the sharks circling the waters for such opportunities. He was nice, the first guy. It was through some crappy audition I didn’t get. He said he liked me, gave me a card, said I’d get a job, good money. By this point, I was close to living on the streets. There was no backup, no one to bail me out. I would’ve done anything.”
I paused, squinting my eyes as if that would help blind me to those memories I’d been so blind to in the past.
I straightened my shoulders, forced my chin up in defiance, dared Duke to look down on me. “So I did anything,” I continued. “It was horrible, as you’d expect. But not that horrible. I was good, by then, at disconnecting myself from things happening in the present, in putting myself away in different compartments. And then there was the money. It seemed like a fortune to me then, even though they were taking advantage of my desperation and naiveté.” I didn’t look at Duke. “Though I didn’t stay naive for long. I was determined, smart. I didn’t spend a dime of what I made on anything but the essentials. Got out as quick as I could. Got my first real job on a fluke. I used every dime of that for the best plastic surgeon in the business. He didn’t do anything drastic. It was in the subtleties. I changed my hair, my name, everything. That’s why no one’s ever connected it before—in case you were wondering. I guess it’ll come out eventually, but I’m not ashamed of it anymore.”
He didn’t say anything.
Not for a long time.
I blinked at him, at the blankness on his face, and not even that polite, judgmental blankness that people wore until they could safely leave your presence and never see you again.
No, true blankness like I’d told him I wasn’t a fan of mushrooms. Like he’d just received information that wasn’t shocking or obscure.
“What?” he asked, reading my face, as he was getting better and better at doing.
I fidgeted with my rings. “Well...that’s it?”
He tilted his head ever so slightly. “What do you mean?”
“I just told you I used to have sex on camera for money and it’s just this reaction.” I waved my hand in front of his face.
He shrugged. “You needed to do it? To survive?”
I nodded.
“It’s a decision that got you standing right here, in front of me.” He moved forward to grasp my hips. “So yeah, that’s it.”