REprisal - Kathy Coopmans Page 0,84

and won’t deny her the right to be his mother. She’s suffered too long, and if this is something she needs to make her happy, who am I to tell her she can’t see him?”

The pain and the suffering in the way he speaks breaks my heart. At the same time, it makes me proud to be his wife, seeing the unselfish man that he is cast aside his hatred for Trent in order to stand down and let Melody have her sense of inner peace.

I am so lucky to have a man who puts others before him. I lay my head on his shoulder and kiss him with love, trust, and hope. Hope that one day soon this clusterfuck, as he calls it, finally comes to an end.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Turner

“How much more of this shit do you think you can take?” I ask, staring down my reflection in the mirror.

I look like fucking shit. Feel like shit. I’m trying to be strong, supportive and put the wellbeing and safety of my family first, but on the inside, I am waging my own personal war. It’s so unimaginably painful to listen to everything my wife has been through, like giving birth to her first child and not even being able to remember it. There’s just so much. Every goddamn day a new bomb is dropped in my lap and I’m just waiting for it to fucking explode.

And yet I hold it all in, because Christ, Clove would definitely break down if she knew I was about ready to lose it, and that is enough for me to keep up this act of being strong. That, plus the online conversations I have with my own psychiatrist.

Thank God Clove hasn’t asked me what I’m doing every damn time I hop off my computer. The last thing she needs right now is to know I’m this close to grabbing my gun, jumping in the car and going on a shooting spree. I dream about finding her mother on my own, killing the bitch, and then moving on to both Caleb and Trent.

My love for my family is bone-deep; they’re the greatest gifts I have ever been given. When Clove and I were apart we were two; when we’re together, we’re one. I care about her more than I do myself. Seeing small bits and pieces of how happy she was before all of this happened should be enough for me, but it’s not.

I didn’t tell Clove I forgave her just to make her feel good, or simply because it’s what people do. I have nothing to forgive her for. In some people’s eyes, Clove cheated on me. The question is, was it intentional, something she planned and wanted? I’ve known the answer to that question since the day I woke up in that hospital. She never did, and she never would.

Bottom line is, this is our marriage, our life, and no one else’s. It had to have been so goddamned hard for her to tell me the things she said last night. I couldn’t look at her when she spoke, afraid she was going to say out loud that she actually let another man touch her.

I replayed her exact words in my head as I laid in bed last night. She put it all out there in the most delicate way, as she always does when she has something to tell you that she knows is going to hurt, but she has to say it anyway. And here I acted like a motherfucking asshole. I should have captured her in my arms and told her I forgave her the minute she was done. I have no excuse. I can only be thankful that she forgave me as willingly as she did.

I drag my ass away from the mirror in the bathroom after shaving and wiping down the counter. My body is lacking sleep and is in sore need of a shower. I laugh as I pull my t-shirt over my head and the smell of baby vomit assaults my nose. I step into the shower and grab the shampoo to wash my hair when I think of yet another incident from today.

My mother and her visit with Trent. I meant what I said when I told her I don’t blame her for wanting to get to know him. I did ask her to never tell me about it, but then in the same sentence contradicted myself and thanked her for being honest and telling