Rent a Boyfriend - Gloria Chao Page 0,65
wouldn’t, I thought—hoped—maybe you’d at least stand up for me. Or Xing. But I’ve finally accepted that it will never happen. Bǎbá is all you have now. And Yilong. I hope you’re happy with the people you’ve chosen.”
More footsteps, heavy and angry this time. My mother’s eyes widened in fear. I didn’t need to turn around to know that I should brace myself for—
“Get out!” Yilong screamed. “You’re not allowed here! You murdered her!”
My father’s face twisted into a deep scowl—brows furrowed, eyes narrowed, and jaw tensed. I glanced at my mother, hoping she had internalized my words, but she merely opened her mouth, no sounds coming out.
Three deep breaths. I concentrated on my chest rising and falling, imagining my lungs filling and emptying of air. I had to calm down before I said something I could never take back.
Yilong grabbed my arm and yanked, causing me to stumble over the step. I fell, catching myself on Nǎinai’s walker.
“Don’t touch that!” Yilong screeched.
I let go, not because she had ordered me to, but because touching the walker felt like touching Nǎinai’s ghost.
I turned to my parents. “Isn’t Nǎinai’s death enough? Can’t we compromise now? I’ll never be able to make up with her—don’t you want better for us?”
My father’s voice was more gravelly than usual. “This isn’t a negotiation. If you want to make up, you know what it takes.”
Air rushed in through my mouth, scratching my sandpaper throat. I said nothing.
He turned his back to me. “Leave. I don’t want you here. Nǎinai doesn’t want you here.”
Something snapped inside me. I found my voice, and I spoke clearly while staring straight into my father’s eyes. “Can’t you see a piece of me dies every time I ignore what I want and just do what you say? I wish you could accept me the way I am.”
In a gust of wind, Xing and Esther walked through the door.
I shouldn’t have been surprised—I was the one who had told them where and when the funeral was—but I had hoped they would disappear into the crowd like I had, not show up at the worst possible moment.
“Get out! Gun!” Yilong yelled. “How dare you bring Nǎinai’s murderer here to rub her dead nose in!”
Xing remained calm, but his eye twitched—a flash of anger I knew to look for. “I want to say good-bye to Nǎinai.”
Yilong turned in a semicircle, pointing first at Xing, then Esther, then me. “None of you belong here. You’re not family.” She clenched her fists, then took a step toward Esther. “This is all your fault!”
Esther instinctively covered her belly with her hand. It was only a second before her arm dropped back to her side, but I noticed. So did my mother, whose eyes were so wide they were about to pop out of their sockets.
Xing’s gaze met my mother’s, and unspoken understanding flickered between them. Joy filled her face, completely out of place in the dim funeral home.
My mother turned to Esther and spoke to her for the first time. Like she was human. “Are you pregnant?”
Even the crickets didn’t chirp. They left the room as fast as they could to avoid the inevitable Lu-suvius eruption.
Suddenly, Esther’s billowy wedding dress, the loose qípáo, Xing’s comment about how his salary was more important now than ever . . . it all made sense.
Xing stepped between Esther and my parents. “None of you will be in his life. You made damn sure of that.”
“His life?” My father’s eyes were glued to the baby bump. “How is this possible? You said she couldn’t get pregnant.”
Xing shook his head. “I never said that. I just said she may have some trouble.”
I threw my hands in the air. “So is this all over now? She’s pregnant. Your one objection is moot. And it’s even a boy. The Lu family line will indeed carry on.”
My father turned away. “Xing still disobeyed us.”
“So did I. I guess that’s it for us, then. No redemption.” I turned to my mother, my last hope. Her eyes were downcast, shoulders slumped.
My voice dropped to a whisper. “Look at all of you, pushing away every relative you have for no good reason. Maybe I should ask myself if I even want to be a part of a family like this. I’m open to reconciliation if we can learn to talk like adults, but until then I’m going to stop trying so hard. Let me know when you’re ready to have a real, open conversation.”
Xing glanced at Esther.