The Reinvention of the Rose - Christina C. Jones Page 0,48

I’m not a goddamn princess trapped in a tower. I’m the bitch they send for the princess’ throat. So forgive me if I’m a little stressed, and not that receptive to… whatever this is.”

Once I was done with my rant, Tristan said nothing, just stared at me for a long while before he shook his head.

“You know….,” he said, after letting out a dry laugh. “You’re right, actually. I do like that you’re a puzzle to figure out. Am I wrong for that? For being attracted to the fact that you put your mind to something and decided to go for it? For admiring your commitment to rebuilding your life, after whatever it was that you went through? For - yes - finding you gorgeous, for… wanting to be inside you? For - God forbid - wanting to get to know you?”

“Oh, here you go with the charm, and the words—”

“And here you go with the deflecting,” Tristan grunted. “You know what I think? I think the reason you get so fucking reticent about me trying to know you, why it’s so strange to you that I might like your ass, is because you haven’t figured you out.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes really,” he nodded. “You don’t want me to get too close because you’re afraid I might solve that damn puzzle. Hell, it’s probably why you flipped about Nya - pushing me away.”

“Oh don’t you fucking dare. Don’t you fucking dare,” I hissed, moving up to him to jab his chest. “You were in the wrong, period, you’re not about to-”

“You’re right! You’re right,” he admitted, throwing his hands up. “I don’t… I don’t even know why I… I’m sorry.”

“You said it because niggas can’t help themselves, always looking for an out for their bullshit. You can’t accept that you were wrong.”

“I can,” he said, putting a hand to his chest. “I was. I am wrong. And I’m sorry. For trying to deflect, and for the fact that it even happened. You’re right - I did need to check Nya, and… we really aren’t “friends” like that, to be honest. But I’m right too,” he pressed, raising his shoulders. “You’re pushing me away, and I wish you wouldn’t. I fucked up. I’ll own that, T.”

“So that makes it okay?”

“If it doesn’t, can you tell me what will?” he asked. “I’m not stuck on… one certain way of doing shit. Or… I’m not trying to be.”

“I don’t know what you need to do to make it up, I just know… you hurt my fucking feelings.,” I admitted. Which… wasn’t easy. But if we were putting it all out there, there was no use pretending it was something else.

“I’m sorry.”

His response came quick, but… he meant it.

Still, I shook my head. “Do you even really understand why?”

“I do. I made it seem like Nya’s presence weighed more than yours, which isn’t true. And when you pointed it out… I made it seem like you were the one who was wrong. Instead of owning my shit.”

I nodded. “Yeah. My question is still why? What the fuck is so special about her?”

Tristan pushed out a sigh. “I guess… familiarity. Consistency. I have a hard time with… change, I guess. Unless it’s change I directly initiated.”

“Like pursuing a new woman, even though you’re still connected to your ex?”

“We both know I wasn’t thinking that far ahead, don’t we?”

I didn’t want to laugh at that, but… I did. “Yeah. We do. The thing is … we have a chance to correct this now, and decide what, ultimately, we actually want.”

“What I want is to be good with you.”

“We can be good without being together,” I countered.

“Is what you want?”

“I could live with it.”

“That’s not what I asked you. T, you’re the one not being clear, not really saying anything here,” Tristan said, raising his shoulders. “I’m not uncertain, or confused, and I’m not too stubborn to say I choose your presence in my life over hers, especially since… once I really thought about what you said – about what really constituted a friend…”

“I was right, wasn’t I?”

When he nodded, I took no joy in that.

Okay, maybe a little.

Fine, a lot.

But I’d stepped into enough interpersonal relationship roles to act them out that I knew this stuff forwards and back. My real-life experience may have been lacking, but I knew the workings inside out, and could recognize what I saw in front of me.

All my problems came when it was time to stop acting, and do it all for