“You don’t know me,” I tell her. “Or maybe you do. I’m not sure how all this works.”
Dropping to my haunches, I pick at the dead grass around her headstone, tossing it aside to leave only the green. To leave only life.
“My name is Camryn Rein and I’m so sorry that you were taken from this world too quickly. You’re missed, I’m sure you know that. But just in case you had your doubts, please know that you’re thought of every day.”
I stand again, comfortable that her headstone is perfect.
“I just wanted to let you know that I love your son. I think it’s a hope for all parents that their children find someone who love them as much, if not more than you do. I don’t know if you were ever concerned that Rocco may not find that…”
I sigh.
“Actually, from what I’ve been told about you, I think you knew he’d own someone’s heart one day. That he’d guard that heart with everything he holds inside of him; scarred or whole. I just want you to rest easy knowing that I love him that way too. I own his heart as much as he does mine. I promise to protect it, to cherish it, to love it through its darkest moments.”
I see him approach, eyes searching for me at the Dogwood where he left me.
“Thank you,” I tell Lila’s gravestone, hoping like hell she hears me. “Thank you for filling him with a love so thorough, most people can’t understand it. It’s a beautiful kind of love, Lila.”
The touch of his hand brushes my shoulder and I turn. Eyes filled with tears, he stares at me in complete diffidence. I pull him into a hug.
“Mira?” I ask, my face pressed forcefully against the hard plane of his chest.
“Yeah,” he stutters. “Hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my life and the other person couldn’t even respond.”
“That’s almost worse,” I tell him. “Because you never really know whether you have the forgiveness you’ve asked for. It’s all unknown and nothing is more compromising than the unknown.”
My chin resting over his shoulder, his face buries into my neck, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of my pulse. It’s only then that I see her.
Blake Shay, watching us candidly.
Our eyes catching, she brushes at the tears she’s shedding before turning on her heel and disappearing as fast as she appeared.
I have no idea how she got here. How she managed to follow us, or why. But I keep her hidden company to myself. This was a private moment for Rocco. One of reluctant grief and a step forward he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to take. A show of vulnerability I’m not sure he’d be willing to share with his kids. Not yet anyway. Not while the blame still has his heart tied in knots.
Walking back to the car, he’s quiet, contemplative even.
“Do you think they’ll stay?” he questions. “Blake and Jesse.”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
“If they could just tell me what they wanted… I want them to tell me who they want me to be and I’d strive my fucking best to be that person for them.”
I pull at his arm, stopping him from opening his car door. My hands brush along his chest. “Roc, baby, what makes you think they want you to be anyone other than who you are?”
“Ain’t exactly the pick of the bunch am I, beauty?”
I take a step back, angered by his self-loathing. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“This.” I wave my hand in front of his face. “All the fucking contempt you wrap yourself in. You’re a good fucking person, Rocco Shay. A little psychotic at times, sure, but love is all about the extreme. In my opinion anyway. No one wants to be loved half-assed. They want to be fuckin’ consumed. My dad has me followed for fuck’s sake,” I gripe. “But I know it’s because it’s his neurotic way of making sure I’m safe.”
I move a step forward, hands pressed against the side of his neck. “Rocco. Stop holding yourself to this warped idea of your own imperfection. No one is fucking perfect. No one.”
“You are,” he whispers.
“Well, yeah, obviously.” I smirk. “I’m serious,” I implore. “I love who you are. Parker loves who you are. They will too. I just wish you’d find it in yourself to love the real version of you as well. He’s kind of amazing.”
“Just kind of?” A finger dips into the line of my shirt, pulling me closer.